Each time we venture out with family, and a cell phone is aimed at my child, I brace myself for the inevitable. I often find myself weighing whether to react strongly or let it slide, but quite often, I choose how to respond in the moment. Someone will reach for my child’s pacifier and yank it away as if it were a hazardous object, all for the sake of snapping the perfect photo.
“You don’t need that silly thing!”
“You’re too old for that!”
“Hand it over!”
Regardless of how it’s phrased, the underlying message is the same: “Why does your mother still allow you to use a pacifier when you’re not a baby anymore?” But when exactly does a child outgrow the need for one? If we assert that pacifiers are exclusively for infants, shouldn’t we start hiding them right before a child takes their first steps? Or does a child remain a baby solely as long as they are breastfeeding? If that’s the case, some kindergarteners who still nurse might just keep their pacifiers a little longer.
As a child, I had my own coping mechanism — I would twist my hair when I felt anxious. I wasn’t the type to instigate fights or throw tantrums; I was quiet and kept to myself. Yet, various adults would scold me for my habit, claiming it drove them “crazy.” Their discomfort wasn’t my concern.
Eventually, I learned to advocate for myself, but my little boy isn’t yet able to do the same. I often see him looking at the adult who has taken away his source of comfort, his eyes pleading for my intervention. Caught between the desire to shield my child and the weight of judgment from others, I sometimes choose to remain silent and let the moment pass.
What troubles me most isn’t just the unsolicited advice on my parenting choices, but how easily some people approach my child and forcibly remove something that provides him with comfort. I don’t intrude on relatives’ lives by emptying their liquor cabinets or snatching away their desserts. I know my role, and it’s not to dictate others’ life choices.
People often try to convince me to take my son’s pacifier away by sharing tales of children who faced speech delays or dental issues. Yet, I don’t bombard smokers with stories of lung cancer or criticize others for indulging in unhealthy habits. I respect their decisions, even if they seem misguided to me.
As for my son, if he needs to visit the dentist a few extra times due to his pacifier, that’s a small price to pay compared to the potential emotional fallout from taking away his only source of solace during stressful times. Children lack the vocabulary to express discomfort or fear, so I trust that he finds relief in this small object. I consistently engage with him through hugs and conversation when he can express himself, even if just through a look or his body language. Others’ objections to my child’s pacifier often overlook his needs, focusing instead on their own opinions.
For me, his emotional wellbeing far outweighs any concerns I might have about his dental health. Those who believe I should take it away for the sake of his teeth should reflect on their own coping mechanisms. After all, while dental problems can be fixed, we cannot simply replace critical organs that adults jeopardize for comfort through various unhealthy habits.
But this is just my perspective. I’m not looking to change anyone’s views or justify my parenting choices. All I ask is for a little less judgment and a bit more respect for my decisions, which are ultimately my own to make.
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Summary
In conclusion, the debate over my child’s pacifier reflects broader societal tendencies to impose opinions on parenting choices. The emotional security it provides to my son is paramount, outweighing any potential dental concerns. Respect for personal choices should be the norm, as we each navigate our own parenting journeys.