Every so often, people ask me how I manage to juggle so much. The truth? I’m a Type A mom. My brain is constantly racing: How can I accomplish more today? How can I improve? How can I outdo myself from yesterday? It’s a relentless drive that I battle daily.
I resist this urge because it often steals my joy and the moments I should savor. The nagging reminder of everything left undone is exhausting and detracts from the legacy I want to leave behind. This Type A mindset didn’t wane after I became a mother; instead, it seemed to intensify. Holding my infant, I would mentally tally up my to-do list. When he napped, I’d rush around the house, checking off tasks. Even when my kids were happily playing, I felt compelled to tidy up or tackle another chore.
These Type A tendencies have a way of distancing me from the present. It’s isolating. One day, I reached my breaking point. I began waking up each morning with a new mantra: “Be kind to yourself.” I focused on slowing down, quieting my mind, and truly enjoying the moment. Over time, I’ve come to realize that taking a moment to enjoy a cup of coffee or giving my kids a hug is far more meaningful than ticking off items on a never-ending list.
Becoming a mom made me feel like I had to be the ultimate parent, but my children taught me that they simply need me to be their mom—not a superhero. The more I practice ignoring the relentless voices in my head, the easier it becomes, though it remains a struggle. There are days when I can momentarily forget about the dirty dishes, and I have weeks where I feel lighter, able to overlook the messy baseboards without feeling guilt.
Yet, the pull of my Type A nature is ever-present, akin to an ex that you know isn’t good for you but still captures your attention. It’s all too easy to slip back into old habits. Some days, I find myself sprinting through my tasks: cleaning, preparing healthy meals, monitoring homework, and trying to connect with my kids—all while maintaining the facade of having everything under control. It’s a recipe for burnout.
I don’t often discuss this struggle. Type A personalities typically don’t allow for mistakes, and admitting the lengths I go to “get it all done” feels uncomfortable. It highlights my flaws—something I prefer to keep under wraps. Yet, we all have our shortcomings. Everyone wishes they could change certain aspects of their behavior. The truth is, none of us have it all figured out; we all face challenges and have things we’d rather hide.
I wish I could shake off my Type A tendencies; I no longer want to be that mom. If you find yourself constantly striving to do it all, if you’re your own harshest critic, or if you’ve been told you’re too hard on yourself but feel lost on how to change, know that you’re not alone. Holding yourself to an unattainable standard is exhausting, and my children are aware of my struggles. I vividly remember when my youngest son paused my cleaning frenzy and asked, “Mom, why does everything have to be perfect?” He was just seven, and that question hit me like a ton of bricks.
But if I relinquish my need to always be productive, who will I become? What will define me? That uncertainty is daunting, yet it pales in comparison to rushing through my kids’ lives in pursuit of perfection. I need to set aside my to-do list occasionally and focus on what truly matters—those cherished moments that I’ll remember and regret missing if I don’t prioritize them.
In recent years, I’ve been working hard to understand my motivations. The key to personal growth is recognizing why we behave the way we do. I’ve come to accept that I may always have Type A characteristics; it’s part of who I am. Research indicates that personality traits remain relatively stable over time; however, significant changes are possible with dedicated effort.
So, while I might always be goal-oriented, I can shift my perspective on what truly matters—whether it’s the cleanliness of my home or my race times. I don’t have to accomplish everything or be in control all the time. I can embrace my Type A nature and grant myself grace. I find so much happiness when I let go of the need for perfection, whether that means my closet isn’t organized or my kids’ rooms aren’t spotless.
Even if transformation isn’t fully attainable, there’s always room for improvement.
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In summary, navigating motherhood with a Type A personality can be a double-edged sword. While the drive for achievement can lead to accomplishments, it can also detract from the joy of simply being present. By practicing self-compassion and prioritizing quality time with our children, we can strive for balance and find happiness in imperfection.