One of the most difficult challenges I faced as a parent was coming to terms with the fact that my son was an unmotivated student. While my partner and I tried not to let his academic performance define our parenting abilities—especially during high school—it inevitably led to moments of self-doubt. We often found ourselves asking, what did we do wrong? Where did we fall short in encouraging him to succeed?
In reality, it was never our responsibility to find his motivation for him; that was something he needed to discover on his own.
In today’s cutthroat educational landscape, where Advanced Placement classes, honor roll accolades, and perfect SAT scores reign supreme, having a child with average grades can feel like a significant setback for many parents. Some may even feel embarrassed or ashamed. A student earning “C” grades is often viewed as an underachiever, especially when considering the expectations of numerous elite colleges. Unfortunately, high school counselors overwhelmed with students, or private admissions consultants focused on maintaining high acceptance rates, might quickly label average students as destined for junior college.
However, just because a student’s high school grades are average does not mean they lack the potential for success in college. My son graduated with a GPA slightly below 3.0, facing challenges such as a mild learning disability and a general lack of drive. Despite our best efforts—hiring tutors, including the inspiring PhD English teacher who had motivated our daughter—my son seemed utterly disinterested, even when surrounded by fascinating literature. As an avid reader and English major, it was disheartening to watch him struggle to engage with texts that I loved. I worried about his ability to navigate the complexities of college-level reading.
On the flip side, when it came to sports, my son was a fountain of knowledge. His comprehension of baseball and football statistics was impressive, and he could analyze plays with the precision of a mathematician. This led us to ponder the value of this knowledge. Yet, we recognized that the lessons learned through sports—commitment, discipline, respect, and teamwork—were equally important, so we supported him wholeheartedly in his athletic endeavors. We held onto the hope that his passion for sports would eventually translate into a similar enthusiasm for academics.
The notion that a top-tier university is the sole path to success is not only misguided but also unrealistic for the vast majority of students who do not possess the grades or financial means to attend elite institutions. Numerous colleges are eager to accept average students, providing them with opportunities for personal growth and education. Fortunately, my son was accepted into one of these institutions.
For parents of average students, it may be beneficial to rethink their approach and resist the urge to constantly push for higher academic performance. Many teenagers don’t mature enough to find their motivation until after high school. The constant arguing over grades and studying only resulted in stress for our entire family—my son, my partner, and myself.
It wasn’t until my son entered college and discovered his passion for American history that he finally began to thrive academically. He graduated in four years in the spring of 2014, with support and guidance throughout his college journey. His senior thesis, exploring the history of the Mexican baseball league and its influence on the sport in the U.S., earned him a B+. Now, he balances two jobs—one in management for a college football team and another in public affairs for a large energy company. His journey proves that an average high school student can achieve great things without constant pressure from parents. Ultimately, he accomplished this on his own, which is the most rewarding outcome for me.
It’s unlikely that any future employer will inquire about his high school GPA; his experiences and achievements far outweigh that number.
(Note: This article was written with my son’s encouragement and support.)
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In summary, while navigating the challenges of parenting an average student can be tough, understanding their unique journey and allowing them to discover their own path can lead to remarkable outcomes.
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