I’ve been breastfeeding for over seven years. This is because I nursed each of my children for more than three years, sometimes even four. I share this not to seek accolades or validation, but rather to call for a collective calm regarding the topic of extended nursing—nursing beyond the age of one.
I’m exhausted from feeling the need to justify my choices and enduring judgmental glances for something that is completely normal. It’s time for society to stop fixating on my personal decisions regarding my body and my child.
Nursing my son, who is now 3 years and 9 months, is quite different from nursing an infant or even a younger toddler. Our routine is simple: when he gets tired, we follow our bedtime ritual of changing into pajamas, brushing teeth, and finding his favorite stuffed animal. We then snuggle up together, and he latches on happily. Yes, there’s a little wrestling over boundaries, but we laugh it off as I read a book until he drifts off to sleep.
Clearly, this is a behavior that calls for condemnation—just kidding. Seriously though, why is it anyone’s concern if my child wants to nurse past the age of one, especially when only about 34.9% of American infants reach that milestone? Research shows that the average weaning age among women who practice extended breastfeeding is around 2.5 years, with some children weaning as late as seven years old. This mirrors practices in many traditional cultures, proving that extended nursing is far from uncommon.
I’ve encountered numerous misguided arguments against extended nursing, which often seem to stem from personal discomfort rather than factual evidence. The most outrageous claim is that it’s abusive—suggesting a sexual connotation, which is utterly disturbing. If breastfeeding is deemed acceptable for newborns, what changes when the child reaches the age of three, four, or even five? A friend of mine, who grew up in a different socioeconomic context, recalls nursing until she was five without any feelings of shame or discomfort. She has fond memories of that experience.
Now, if there’s inappropriate behavior involved, such as sexualizing the act or forcing an unwilling child to nurse, that’s a different matter entirely. But aside from those extreme cases, let’s save the “abuse” rhetoric for something that truly warrants concern.
Another common question is “how old is too old?” as if that opinion holds any weight in the dynamic between a nursing mother and her child. Some suggest that if the child can ask for it, they’re too old. However, this perspective often comes from a place of discomfort associated with toddler nursing. Moreover, claims that extended breastfeeding stunts emotional growth or self-soothing abilities are not only unsubstantiated but also contradicted by experts like Brian P. Kurtz from the University of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, who states that these concerns do not apply once a child reaches the toddler stage.
Some men express that extended nursing affects their relationship with their partner. One individual even mentioned how his first-grader now jokingly refers to breasts as “boobalies.” While these concerns are valid within a partnership, they do not influence the broader conversation about extended breastfeeding.
Curiously, I asked my older children—ages 7 and 5—if they remembered breastfeeding. They looked at me as if I were strange and replied no. Despite one of them frequently nursing in public at three years old, their memories of it are not prominent.
To further validate extended nursing, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for one year or longer, as long as it is mutually desired by both mother and child. In my case, I wish to continue nursing my 3-year-old, and he is equally eager. So why should anyone else care about our bedtime routine? Let’s all take a step back and focus on more pressing issues.
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In summary, extended nursing is a personal choice that should not be subject to judgment from others. As long as it works for both mother and child, it should be respected, and we can all benefit from focusing on our own parenting journeys.