As a child, I envisioned my future home as a picture-perfect haven. I dreamed of a backyard where my kids could play sports, a sunny kitchen with a rustic dining table for arts and homework, and a chic, shabby ambiance reminiscent of a Pottery Barn catalog. It was a beautiful fantasy.
Well, I can say we have a yard and a kitchen table—so, two out of three isn’t terrible. But that Pottery Barn aesthetic? Let’s just say it’s more like “We Have Kids and Dogs, So This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” over here.
Most days, I’m perfectly fine with this reality. I embrace the chipped paint, the crayon marks on the walls, the scuffed floors, and the inevitable stains on the carpet. Yes, there are baseball cards tucked away in every corner of the house, and I’m okay with it. Our home may be messy, but it is warm and welcoming, and I have a million other things to focus on rather than stressing about my lack of home decor skills or constantly reminding my children to be careful around my seasonal decorations.
After all, it’s challenging enough to remind my kids countless times a day to brush their teeth or put their dirty clothes in the laundry chute right outside their room. I simply don’t have the energy to fret over whether the towels in my non-existent guest bathroom are perfectly white and neatly folded.
However, I’ll admit that sometimes I get hit with envy after scrolling through social media or flipping through catalogs. In those moments, I convince myself that my home is a disaster, and the only solution is to either move or set it ablaze.
But here’s the truth: social media is often misleading. Facebook and Instagram show idealized versions of life, and Pinterest can be downright torturous. Let’s be real—nobody’s home looks like those magazine spreads, and most of what you see online is staged. Sure, you might find a handful of parents with pristine homes, but they are the exception, not the norm.
As I write this, my “workspace” consists of a worn kitchen table cluttered with old art projects, a granola bar wrapper, and various pens. Glancing into my living room reveals crooked photos and a magazine cutout of a Cubs player taped over a family portrait (yes, really). When guests enter, their first response is often, “Why is there a donkey on your wall?” And yes, there is a picture of a donkey taped to the wall—not the human kind.
You know what? I genuinely don’t care. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I do care a little, especially when I compare my lived-in home to the pristine, museum-like spaces I see online. But the reality is, I simply don’t have the desire to spend my days cleaning up after my family, nor do I wish to splurge on decor that I’d constantly worry about ruining.
Do you really want to spend your time nagging your family about coasters and coloring within the lines? Would you prefer to invest in fancy new furniture and stress about it getting damaged, or would you rather hold onto that comfy old couch and brush off the occasional juice spill? Would you rather create an environment where everyone feels free to be themselves and enjoy each other’s company, or create a space where they worry about making a mess?
The bottom line is this: a family lives here, and families can be messy.
Everyone has their own threshold for what constitutes a “lived-in” home versus a disaster zone. For me, it’s clutter—too much stuff makes me anxious. I try to limit the toys and decorations in our space and often declutter. Others may find cleaning therapeutic or even enjoy decorating. We all need to find our own balance.
So, if your home looks like this…or this…or if your kids’ rooms resemble a hurricane aftermath, or your closets are bursting at the seams, take a deep breath and relax. It’s perfectly okay.
Most of us, at some point, feel like our homes are in disarray—even those who are aspiring minimalists or neat-freaks. We complain about the crayon marks and the chipped paint and the endless Lego clean-ups. We may even tuck our messes away in closets and drawers to present a façade of tidiness. Creativity and innovation come into play here.
This is life. This is reality. This is normal. This is home. So, invite others in and let go of the stress. You’re doing just fine.
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