In his novel The Constant Gardener, author John le Carré honored Yvette Pierpaoli, a humanitarian whose life was committed to aiding refugees, with a dedication that read: “To Yvette Pierpaoli, who lived and died giving a damn.” Yvette was not only a remarkable individual but also the mother-in-law of Emma Johnson, my partner on the recent picture book, Join Me. Inspired by Yvette’s legacy, we dedicated our work to her. She once said, “Though at the level of the individual our actions may be light as a cloud, united they can change the color of the sky.”
Emma shared with me that Yvette had a profound desire to truly experience life, fueled by her passions. Yet, her compassion for others, stemming from her own childhood experiences of rejection, defined her existence. Living for the sake of others brought meaning to her life, and the world was fortunate to have her presence.
As a parent, I aspire for my children to embrace Yvette’s spirit of passion and compassion, utilizing their unique talents. With Thanksgiving approaching, I recall a recent Halloween night and how children can develop empathy through their experiences.
My youngest, Alex, is 12 years old and plays the viola in a demanding youth orchestra. On Halloween, practice was still on, and he wouldn’t return home until 7:30 PM. A friend had planned to wait for him to go trick-or-treating, but when he arrived home, the friend’s mother informed us that he had already gone out with other kids and was too tired to join Alex.
Seeing my son’s disappointment was heartbreaking; my husband and I exchanged glances, both feeling the weight of his sadness. It was late, a school night, and options were limited. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. A young trick-or-treater from down the street stood there. He wasn’t a close friend, but perhaps Alex could join him and his father for a quick outing. Unfortunately, the dad said they were headed home right after our house.
Then I noticed my 14-year-old daughter, Lily, seated at the kitchen table. “Hey,” I said, “can you ask Alex to go trick-or-treating?”
“I’m busy with my homework,” she replied.
“There’s a costume in the basement,” I mentioned gently. “The one I wore last year. You can see out of it, and it fits right over your clothes.”
Lily agreed to check it out. As I rummaged through the basement, I hoped we could salvage one of Alex’s last Halloweens as a child. I found the costume, and she put it on. “Do you want to come with me?” she asked Alex.
He hesitated, feeling that her offer was merely out of pity.
I chimed in, “Sometimes it’s okay to be pitied.”
With that, he sat there in silence.
“Come on,” Lily urged.
“Alright,” he finally agreed.
An hour later, Lily returned, beaming, and gave me a high-five. Alex was in good spirits too; they had created a fun skit together, pretending to be identical twins who finished each other’s sentences as they walked from door to door.
While our story ended happily, not all tales do. Watching our children navigate their disappointments can be more painful than enduring our own. Yet, it is essential for them to experience these moments, for through hardship and humility, they cultivate empathy. I believe Alex will be kinder to the next individual he encounters who has faced disappointment or feels alone.
Empathy, the capacity to understand and share the feelings of another, begins at home. It unfolds on the smallest of stages as we support our children in processing their emotions. This brings me back to the picture book I created with Emma, which tells the story of a little girl whose parents allow her to confront her fears about the world, validating her emotions instead of dismissing them. Ultimately, she discovers how she can make a difference by connecting with others, much like Lily did for Alex.
Just as Yvette did for the world, we all have the power to make a difference, especially this Thanksgiving.
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In summary, nurturing empathy in our children is essential for their growth and the betterment of society. By allowing them to experience their feelings and supporting them through life’s challenges, we help them develop compassion, paving the way for a kinder world.