As a white mother raising a Black son, I find myself reflecting deeply on the issue of racism and how it shapes our lives. Just last week, my son asked me, “Do you think you’d care as much about racism if I were white?” This question caught me off guard, but I knew I needed to respond. I paused for a moment before admitting, “No, I don’t believe I would.”
While I would still care about racism as a concept, my perspective has been fundamentally altered by my experiences as his mother. For the past seven and a half years, my focus has been on how to nurture a happy, confident, and secure Black boy. I had never truly considered how my identity might differ if he were white.
Whenever I see news reports about injustices, court decisions, or violence against people of color, my heart sinks as I picture my son’s face. I notice the derogatory remarks and prejudiced behaviors that arise in public, and I find myself scanning rooms for faces that reflect diversity. My choices around schools, vacations, and neighborhoods are deeply influenced by how inclusive and diverse those spaces are. None of this would have been part of my reality if my son were white.
Yet, I also feel a sense of gratitude. This experience has illuminated my own privileges and provided me with a unique perspective. I have developed a greater capacity for empathy, along with a strong determination to listen, question, and foster change—especially within myself. None of these insights would exist for me if my son were white.
However, the awareness of my son’s reality also brings about frustration and a fierce intolerance for bigotry. I find myself impatient with the slow pace of progress in society and constantly anxious about the world around us. I recognize that these feelings would not be as intense if my son were white.
This leads me to ponder who I would be in that alternate scenario. Ultimately, I realize that it doesn’t matter; I am precisely who I am meant to be. I am a mother of a Black son who is committed to discussing race and racism openly.
For more insights on parenting and navigating issues of race, you can explore our other blog posts on this topic, including this one, which discusses the emotional complexities of family life. Additionally, if you’re interested in pregnancy resources, I highly recommend checking out this excellent resource for further information. And for couples considering their fertility journey, this resource can offer invaluable support.
In summary, my journey as a white mother of a Black son has profoundly shaped my understanding of race and privilege. While I often grapple with anger and frustration regarding societal injustices, I also embrace the opportunity to learn and grow. This unique perspective is an essential part of who I am.