Yesterday marked Canadian Thanksgiving. For those unfamiliar, Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving in October—an event that often leaves our American friends scratching their heads. We set out to visit my sister and her husband, but the car ride was nothing short of a nightmare.
Imagine two wailing children during a 60-minute drive. It was quite the ordeal. The kids missed their usual naps, turning them into little terrors. My son, Max, was just recovering from a throat infection, while my daughter, Emma, had developed a strong aversion to car rides.
To say it was challenging would be an understatement. My stepson was doing his best to soothe baby Emma, but her screams were relentless. I had hoped that once we arrived, the chaos would subside. Everyone was eager to get out of the car, including the adults and the teenager.
Initially, things improved—my sister-in-law offered me a drink, Emma dozed off in her car seat, and Max headed upstairs with his brother. I felt a moment of adulting bliss. But as guests began to arrive, the situation shifted. Max grew restless, ventured downstairs, and then became overwhelmed by the crowd.
He started crying, throwing himself on the floor, and shrieking—classic kid behavior, right? Dinner hadn’t even begun, and the party was still in full swing. With a dozen guests, most of whom had older children, Max’s outburst made me feel out of place.
As the other adults mingled, chatting about travel and their kids’ futures, I found myself chasing after a toddler, desperate to keep him entertained and quiet. Many parents, especially those with neurotypical children, may recognize this scenario, but for us, there were specific autism-related reasons we decided to leave early:
- Screen Time Limitations: One of the few ways to calm Max is by letting him watch TV. This worked for a while—about 45 minutes—but soon he refused to settle down. When the screen time trick stops working, it’s usually time to exit. I used to think I’d be the type of parent who limited screen time; oh, how naïve that seems now.
- Nonverbal Communication: Max is nonverbal, which complicates our ability to understand his needs. Unless someone is familiar with him (which is primarily just my husband, my mom, and my brother), they can’t decipher what he wants. As he flapped his arms in agitation, I was left guessing how to help him, a frustrating experience in a room full of well-meaning but puzzled guests.
- Difficulty with Change: Max struggles with transitions, especially when he’s missed a nap. Unlike Emma, who can sleep anywhere, Max only feels comfortable in his crib. Without a suitable place to nap, he becomes increasingly irritable.
- Hyperactivity: Max is full of energy. The only way to keep him still for any length of time is with TV. Otherwise, he’s constantly on the move, making it nearly impossible for him to sit for family dinners. Without a high chair available, our dinner plans were doomed.
- Need for Safety: At nearly two years old, Max still requires a baby-proofed environment. Most homes without young children aren’t designed with safety in mind, which means I have to keep a close watch on him to prevent accidents.
Ultimately, we decided to leave the Thanksgiving gathering early. Thankfully, my in-laws were supportive—they packed us food to take home, and there was no fuss about us departing. I felt a sense of relief as we left, even though our kids continued to cry on the drive home. At least the disruptions were contained to us.
Parenting is challenging, especially when you add autism into the mix. The combination can feel overwhelming. If you find yourself in a similar situation during family visits or travel, consider hosting at your own home. If that’s unfeasible, try to replicate your home environment as closely as possible—bring familiar toys and maintain your usual schedule. Perhaps we should have brought a portable crib for Max to sleep in.
Lesson learned.
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Summary
Navigating family gatherings with toddlers, especially those with autism, can be challenging. Factors such as communication difficulties, hyperactivity, and the need for safety can make social events overwhelming. Sharing personal experiences helps shed light on these challenges and offers advice for other parents facing similar situations.