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Why I’m Not Afraid to Be the ‘Tough Mom’
By Kelly Morgan
Updated: May 22, 2020
Originally Published: November 12, 2017
On any given day, my children can find something to be upset about. Whether I’ve asked them to tidy up the mess in the bathroom or limited their gaming time, I often earn their displeasure. Sometimes, I even have the audacity to request that they clean up after our dog or take their plates to the sink after dinner.
I can be a nagging mother, a strict parent, and occasionally, the meanest mom on the planet.
Generally, I consider myself a pretty relaxed parent when it comes to many issues. I frequently say yes to extra screen time, sugary snacks, and later bedtimes. I don’t stress over their grades too much, as long as they’re putting in effort and showing respect to their teachers. I tend to overlook the socks strewn across the floor and let the chaos of their rooms slide. Honestly, I don’t even get worked up when they forget to put the toilet seat down, which seems to be a daily occurrence.
However, because I’m committed to raising decent human beings, there are times when I must set boundaries and enforce rules.
I can expect whining, complaints, and tears in response. My kids will argue that their friends play video games for hours on end (which isn’t true), or insist that they’ll do their homework in the morning (spoiler: they won’t). They might even mention how someone down the street doesn’t have to clean up after their dog (which is a lie—he doesn’t even own a dog).
It’s safe to say that my kids are often annoyed with me. While I maintain a close relationship with both of them and strive to be their safe haven, they frequently express frustration over my expectations or become genuinely angry with me for enforcing what they deem “silly rules.”
I won’t lie; sometimes, being labeled the meanest mom stings. It’s tough to have your child upset with you over something as fundamental as dental hygiene or bathing. However, I’m okay with donning the “mean mom” title because I recognize it’s a vital part of parenting.
Do I want to cultivate a healthy relationship with my children? Absolutely. Do I wish for them to love and respect me? Without question. Do I want them to see me as their biggest supporter and protector? Yes, indeed.
But do I need to be their friend? No, thank you. My role is that of a mother, not a buddy.
I refuse to raise self-centered individuals who lack manners or common sense. I want my children to grow into kind and considerate adults, which sometimes requires me to enforce limits. In other words, I have to be the “mean” one at times.
I don’t need to cultivate a friendship with my children, nor do I want to. Let’s be honest: I wouldn’t allow a friend to behave the way my kids do sometimes. They are young, and it’s my responsibility to guide them into becoming respectful and compassionate individuals. This means they will occasionally be upset with me, and I will sometimes have to embrace the title of the world’s meanest mom.
I might annoy my kids by singing loudly in front of their friends or refusing to allow them to leap from a moving vehicle while we’re in the carpool line. I shatter their dreams of living in chaos by insisting they shower with soap and reminding them to brush their teeth and use deodorant. On occasion, I even dare to prepare a home-cooked meal or tidy up their sports cards. Any of these actions can lead to eye-rolls or complaints. And if there are consequences for their misbehavior? Well, that definitely adds to my tally as the meanest mom.
I find ways to irritate my kids countless times throughout the day. Okay, I may be exaggerating—it’s probably only in the hundreds. For example, I’ve managed to frustrate them by putting cheese in a grilled cheese sandwich and cutting it into squares instead of triangles.
Looking for a guaranteed way to irritate a child? Just clean up the Legos that have been scattered across the kitchen floor for five days because they were “still playing with them.”
But you know what? Irritating our kids comes with the territory of parenting. Being “mean” is simply part of the responsibilities that accompany the privilege of being a mom.
This article was originally published on November 12, 2017. For more insights into parenting, be sure to check out some of our other posts, like this one on pregnancy and home insemination, which is an excellent resource.
In summary, while it may not always be easy to take on the role of the ‘mean mom,’ it’s essential for fostering respectful and compassionate children. My aim is not to be their friend but to guide them into becoming thoughtful individuals who understand the importance of boundaries and care for others.