If you happen to drop by my home unannounced, especially during the day when my partner is at work, brace yourself for a reality check about what you might encounter. Here’s a heads-up: this might just be your last visit.
- Let’s be real—I probably haven’t showered today. Sure, I might’ve freshened up yesterday, but today? Nope. So, keep your distance. And no judgment; I know it’s not glamorous (okay, maybe it is).
- My hair will likely be styled in a chaotic bun that’s so greasy it defies gravity without needing a hair tie. My little one thinks it’s hilarious to mimic me by putting a shiny ball on his head and declaring, “I’m Mama!” Cute, right?
- I’ll likely be crossing my arms over my chest because, let’s face it, I won’t be sporting a bra. Or I might be strategically holding a child in front of me; chances are I’ll hand that child over to you while I dash to my room for a quick fix.
- I’ll be visibly tired, with dark circles under my eyes that will be all too apparent since I won’t have any makeup on.
- Toys will be scattered all over the place.
- The air will have the distinct aroma of dirty diapers mixed with apple cinnamon air freshener. You’ll probably arrive just after or during a chaotic diaper change. If not, I might be on a scavenger hunt for my toddler who’s hidden away and had an “accident.” This is honestly one of my least favorite parts of parenting. Sorry, it’s gross for both of us.
- The floor? Yup, sticky. Thanks, toddlers.
- Count on at least one person crying, and it’s a 50/50 chance that it’ll be me.
- My kids will cling to you like you’re a long-lost friend.
- There will definitely be something simmering in my slow cooker. Without it, we’d probably starve.
- You might find a load of laundry in the washer that I’ve rewashed every morning for the past three days. I don’t even know how this happens, considering I feel like I’m constantly doing laundry.
- There’s likely a mountain of laundry on the couch that I’ve folded and refolded daily for the last three days. Thanks again, toddlers.
- You won’t find a free spot on the couch. Where there isn’t laundry, little boys will be launching themselves and yelling “Cannon ball!”
- I’ll have my kids showcase all their recent accomplishments. I’m bursting with pride, and I expect you to at least pretend to be impressed too.
- Initially, I might feel embarrassed, but I’ll genuinely be thrilled to see you. I could really use a conversation with someone who can actually see eye to eye with me.
- If you bring coffee, I’ll be even happier. I’m craving an iced raspberry white mocha, please.
- I may leave you in a room with my kids, assuring you I’ll be right back. And I will return with clean, damp, flower-scented hair, moisturized skin, and fresh clothes, ready for a new outlook on life.
If you’re curious about more parenting realities, check out this insightful post on things you might not expect. And if you’re looking for reliable resources, Healthline offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re considering at-home options, Cryobaby is a reputable retailer for insemination syringe kits.
In summary, if you drop by unannounced, prepare for a whirlwind of chaos, cuteness, and maybe even a little embarrassment. But above all, it’s a snapshot of real life with little ones.
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