Parenting: To Our Kids, Minor Issues Are Major Concerns
by Jessica Langston
Oct. 4, 2023
The other day, my little one came bursting off the bus, racing toward the house with an enthusiasm that suggested he had something monumental to share. I eagerly met him at the door, ready for some exciting news. However, after a quick hug, he blurted out, “I want SpaghettiOs!”
SpaghettiOs? Seriously? “That’s what you were so excited about?” I chuckled.
Yet, he was completely serious. “Yes,” he insisted earnestly. “I can’t stop thinking about them since lunchtime. I really want some SpaghettiOs, please!”
I regrettably had to inform him that dinner was already cooking on the stove. We were eating early due to a Scout meeting, and I knew if I gave him SpaghettiOs, he would likely turn his nose up at the balanced meal I had prepared. I suggested a smaller snack, perhaps a granola bar, but that was not acceptable. You would have thought I told him he could never eat again; he crumbled to the floor, backpack still on, and cried out dramatically, “I hate it here!”
What a scene.
As I observed him writhing in despair, I was taken aback by how such a trivial issue could evoke such a strong emotional response (and yes, I rolled my eyes a bit). He was probably tired from school, and any parent knows that fatigue can lead to meltdowns over the most minor inconveniences. However, as my eyes adjusted back to normal, I began to reflect: for children who haven’t faced much adversity, even small problems can feel monumental.
From our adult perspective, we often know what is truly worth stressing over, but that understanding comes from experience. We’ve navigated significant challenges and crises, but there’s always someone who has endured even more.
For instance, my older son once battled a rare kidney condition that could have led to severe health issues, and I was terrified as we awaited the results. Yet, my friend’s child faced cancer at just two years old, and I can’t imagine the fear she must have felt. Still, just because others might have it worse doesn’t invalidate my feelings; in that moment, it was the most challenging experience of my parenting journey.
When we’re facing tough times, we need empathy and understanding—not someone downplaying our struggles by pointing out that others have it worse. If someone is navigating a divorce, it’s unhelpful to say, “Just wait until they clean out your bank account and try to take your kids!” Instead, we need to offer compassion because, for them, this is the worst it has ever been.
The same principle applies to children. In their limited experiences, small disappointments can loom large. This realization makes me feel a twinge of guilt for all the times I may have downplayed their concerns, thinking they were insignificant. Who am I to judge what they should or shouldn’t be upset about? What if they stop coming to me with their worries when something truly significant happens because I dismissed their feelings previously?
I didn’t give in to his request for SpaghettiOs (dinner was already planned). Yet, I also refrained from laughing at his emotional breakdown; my young child has been fortunate enough to be shielded from serious hardships, so in his world, this was a big deal. It would have served no purpose to lecture him about kids who might never have SpaghettiOs or to compare him to those who are genuinely starving. Instead, I hugged him again and acknowledged his feelings about the situation.
Even if it was just about a can of pasta.
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Summary:
In parenting, it’s crucial to understand that children often perceive their minor issues as significant. While adults may have a broader perspective on stressors, kids operate within a limited frame of reference. Therefore, acknowledging their feelings—even about seemingly trivial matters—is essential for fostering open communication and trust.