Lifestyle
Thursday mornings tend to be the most challenging part of my marriage. If we were ever to separate, the reason would likely be “Thursday mornings” instead of something like irreconcilable differences.
While I could blame the trash for our marital struggles, I suspect it’s more about our attitudes. My partner, Sam, prefers to wake up leisurely and enjoy a quiet start to the day, which feels impossible on Thursdays. On this particular morning, I wake up with the energy of a drill sergeant. It’s as if all the annoyances of our lives converge into a 30-minute whirlwind of chaos.
Initially, I wake up feeling fine, but then I remember it’s the day for the kids’ music instruments, the fact that they always dislike school lunch on Thursdays, and the grocery list that needs to be tackled. Plus, it’s garbage day, which means removing the smelly food from the fridge and managing our seemingly endless supply of trash bins. It’s also when things tend to go awry—cereal spills, broken dishes, and compost bags leaking their foul contents all over the place. By the time I get out of bed, I feel like I’m the only one doing everything.
This perception isn’t entirely accurate. Sam is a supportive and active partner, but I often convince myself otherwise. Yes, we could be more organized, and while we try various methods, we still fall short. We are a beautiful mess.
On these hectic mornings, we lose sight of the fact that we’re in this parenting and marriage journey together. Our conversations tend to focus on what each of us is doing wrong instead of recognizing what’s going well. We go into survival mode, making it feel like every person is out for themselves until we finally leave the house.
We end up complaining to one another, which rarely leads to anything productive. “I need your help today,” I say, juggling the recycling bag while attempting to caffeinate.
“We waste too much food,” Sam replies, tossing Tupperware into the sink with unnecessary force.
“Yelling at me about food waste isn’t helping.”
“You’re always cranky on Thursdays.”
“It’s because I can’t stand Thursdays!” I don’t vocalize this last thought, but after years of marriage, he knows it’s what I’m thinking.
On Thursday mornings, it’s easy to forget that we entered into a partnership when we got married. We lose sight of the fact that we’re supposed to be on the same team. It’s baffling to think we’d want to micromanage each other, but that’s exactly what we do. If we’re not in this together, what’s the point?
I’ve noticed many couples keep mental lists of who does what, constantly comparing efforts and tasks. It turns into a competition over who gets the better end of the deal in life. Keeping track of who went out with friends last and who got to sleep in last weekend creates resentment instead of unity. These mental scoreboards lead to exhaustion and frustration, much like our own experiences on weekday mornings.
To combat this mindset, we’ve made a pact to remind ourselves—even on those challenging mornings—of our partnership. Amidst spilled cereal and chaotic children, we pause to share a laugh or even a playful nudge, acknowledging the absurdity of it all.
Recently, I had to leave town unexpectedly to assist my mother in the hospital. Without hesitation, Sam told me, “Go, I’ve got everything under control.” He even learned how to style our daughter’s hair just the way she wanted for school picture day the next day.
That’s what marriage is truly about: stepping up for your partner in times of need and being the person they can rely on. It’s a partnership, not a competition. It’s also about tackling stinky garbage together while preparing lunches and managing sleepy kids, albeit with some ongoing struggles.
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Summary:
Marriage can be challenging, especially on hectic mornings. It’s essential to remember that it’s a partnership, not a competition. Acknowledging each other’s contributions and stepping up during tough times strengthens the bond. Even amidst chaos, finding moments to connect can foster a supportive relationship.