Let’s start with honesty. My 3 and a half-year-old just recently began sleeping through the night. Yes, you read that correctly: 3 and a half years, not months.
Some may find this hard to comprehend. However, I know many parents are out there nodding in agreement and perhaps feeling a bit of relief.
When I was expecting my first child, I couldn’t fathom that it would take years for my baby to achieve consistent nighttime sleep. Like many new parents, I was led to believe there would be a phase of sleepless nights, which is practically a rite of passage. I anticipated that this phase would conclude within a few months, and I would return to the restful slumber I had enjoyed before pregnancy.
I was mistaken.
Upon the arrival of my little one, I was indeed sleep-deprived. Although I expected this, I was unprepared for the sheer exhaustion that came with it. I felt like I had emerged from a zombie movie, only to be confronted with the added challenge of breastfeeding. The perpetual tiredness was overwhelming.
As we approached the three-month mark, I asked my mother when my baby’s sleep would improve. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night around three months,” she assured me.
When that milestone came, I noticed my baby was starting to sleep more during the night rather than in short daytime naps. However, he was still waking every few hours to nurse. Then came the infamous 4-month sleep regression, which resulted in him waking hourly, often kicking me in the face in the process.
Surviving that first year was a challenge. There were moments when my son would sleep in three- to four-hour stretches, which I could manage, but other times he was up every hour. I felt as if I was on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion.
I never felt inclined to pursue sleep training, and every gentle attempt I made at fostering independent sleep only seemed to exacerbate the situation. My children didn’t adhere to the typical narrative of “cry for a bit, then fall asleep.” Instead, it would have been more accurate to say “scream endlessly without relent,” which was simply not feasible for me.
When my firstborn turned one, I hoped that would signal a turning point for better sleep. To some extent, it did; longer stretches of sleep occurred more frequently, but “sleeping through the night” was still elusive.
I revisited the topic with my mom: “Are you sure I was sleeping through the night at three months?”
“Oh no,” she clarified. “That’s just when your colic ended. You didn’t sleep through the night until you were 2 or 3—if ever.”
I suspect many parents of poor sleepers purposely block out these memories, allowing them to protect their new parent friends from the harsh realities of sleepless nights. When I finally received the truth, I felt a sense of relief; I wished I had known sooner, as it could have alleviated so much stress.
While some parents are fortunate to have what I call “rainbow unicorn sleepers”—those magical babies who drift off peacefully when laid down “drowsy but awake”—the rest of us might benefit from a more realistic perspective on baby sleep.
In truth, the majority of babies do not sleep through the night (defined as 10 to 12 hours without waking) for many months, and some may take years to reach that point. There is no standard timeline since each child develops at their own pace, much like learning to walk or talk. Some babies adapt to sleep training methods easily, while others resist sleep regardless of the approach taken.
Do not chastise yourself or feel guilty; there is nothing inherently wrong with your parenting. Some children simply take longer to develop their sleep skills. Remember, all children eventually learn to sleep through the night.
When my second child arrived, I was armed with the knowledge of what to expect regarding baby sleep, making the experience, including the inevitable sleep deprivation, far more manageable. I accepted that it was perfectly fine to feel like a zombie occasionally. I embraced the reality of quick dinners and prioritized naps whenever possible.
Most importantly, I understood that this phase would eventually pass. My second child, the 3 and a half-year-old who recently began sleeping through the night, still occasionally wakes up to ask for water or to inquire about trivial matters—like whether we have any corn muffins (yes, we do, and you can have one in the morning). But mostly, he sleeps, and it’s a relief to finally have children who do.
Yet, that doesn’t erase the worries that keep me awake at night. Check back with me in a few years when they become teenagers, and I find myself waiting up for them to come home. And in a few more years, I’ll be concerned about their futures and happiness.
The reality of parenting is that once you become a parent, sleep becomes a rare commodity. Nevertheless, you adapt, and the joy your children bring makes the sleepless nights almost worthwhile.
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Summary:
It’s time to debunk the myth surrounding the ‘three-month mark’ for baby sleep. Many children take longer than expected to sleep through the night, and variations are normal. Understanding this can alleviate stress for parents and help them navigate the challenges of sleep deprivation with more clarity and patience.