During a recent art camp for caregivers and their children, I was taken aback by an incident that revealed so much about consent and our kids’ understanding of boundaries. As mothers gasped at an unexpected confrontation, I found myself wanting to applaud a brave little girl who stood up for herself. Instead of cheering, I held back, yet I can’t shake the impact it made on me.
In this week-long camp, I observed an energetic 4-year-old boy named Max who would dart from child to child, often surprising them with unwanted hugs and kisses. He seemed oblivious to the discomfort of his peers, who would often express their distress with cries of “Stop!” or retreat to their parents for safety. Yet, the adults around—other mothers and even the teachers—seemed to find his behavior charming. They exchanged smiles, signaling their approval of his actions with a silent, “Isn’t he adorable?”
What was truly disheartening was that not one adult intervened to correct Max. His mother remained silent, and the teacher didn’t step in to educate him about the importance of consent. I regrettably did nothing as well, simply because my daughter was not one of his targets. This inaction gnaws at me; I was complicit in allowing this behavior to persist.
On the final day of camp, after Max once again invaded the space of a spirited little girl named Ava, she had enough. She pushed back, and in a moment of self-defense, accidentally struck him on the nose. His response was loud and dramatic, prompting his mother to rush to comfort him. Ironically, Ava’s mother felt the need to apologize to Max’s mom, all while chastising her daughter for defending herself. What message does this send to the children witnessing such a scenario?
Had any adult, including myself, intervened earlier, perhaps Ava wouldn’t have felt compelled to take matters into her own hands. Instead, we collectively allowed kids to learn a troubling lesson about consent: that it’s acceptable for others to make them uncomfortable, particularly when the offender is perceived as cute.
Max’s actions were not entirely his fault; he lacked guidance on appropriate physical boundaries. The first time he approached another child for affection, an adult should have stepped in to teach him a critical lesson: “We don’t touch people who don’t want to be touched.” Sadly, his behavior was likely reinforced by those who found it endearing.
From the very beginning of their lives, we must instill the importance of consent in our children. They need to understand that their bodies are their own, that they alone have the right to grant permission for physical contact, and that they can retract that permission at any time. It’s crucial to teach them to ask for and receive explicit consent before interacting physically with others.
I never force my children to hug or kiss relatives; instead, I encourage them to make choices based on their own feelings and comfort levels. If they prefer a high-five instead of a hug, that’s perfectly acceptable. We engage in open conversations about privacy, personal space, and bodily autonomy.
In light of these discussions, my hope is that if one of my children ever faces harassment or unwanted physical attention, they will know how to protect themselves. If that means standing up and defending themselves, even if it gets a little rough, then I trust I’ve prepared them to handle it.
For more insights on parenting and consent, consider checking out this post on the importance of teaching boundaries.
In summary, it’s essential to educate our children about consent from an early age. We must encourage them to respect boundaries, understand their own autonomy, and empower them to communicate their comfort levels. By fostering these conversations, we help create a generation that values and respects personal space.