I grew up in a small town in the southern United States, where my childhood was filled with fried foods, football games, and carefree summer days. My parents instilled in me the importance of politeness, teaching me to always say “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir.” Southern hospitality is a hallmark of my upbringing, and it often felt like everyone around me was genuinely kind.
However, as I grew older, I found myself repeatedly told to “be sweet.” This phrase echoed in my life at every turn—whether I was getting a bit too loud with my siblings or slipping up at school. Even during heated family debates, well-meaning relatives would remind me to “remember to be sweet.”
Now that I’m a mother, I reflect on which of those lessons I want to pass on to my children. We definitely keep some traditions alive—like frying vegetables and saying “yes, ma’am.” But I’ve come to a realization: I refuse to let anyone dictate that my daughter must “be sweet.”
There were moments in my life when that so-called southern sweetness became a liability. I remembered this vividly during a recent visit to a local café, where I observed two college students attempting to work while a middle-aged man intruded upon their space uninvited. Instead of asserting themselves, they forced smiles and nodded along as he dominated the conversation, clearly making them uncomfortable.
In the past, I might have dismissed this as just a typical awkward moment. But now, as a mother, I felt a surge of anger on their behalf. Why were they so eager to please, even at the cost of their own comfort? This moment made me realize how society has conditioned women to be agreeable, often to their detriment.
Have you ever endured an uncomfortable situation just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings? I know I have. And I’m determined to change that narrative for my daughter. Watching those young women squirm made me question whether I was empowering my daughter to stand up for herself. At just 18 months, I caught myself saying “Be sweet!” when she asserted herself with her brother. But not anymore.
Our household has adopted a new mantra: Be kind. Kindness is about doing what’s right, while sweetness often revolves around how others perceive us. The difference can be crucial. Girls can express their boundaries with kindness. It is perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m sorry, but I need this space to work,” or “Please stop.” They may not always like it, but that’s their problem, not ours.
I no longer discourage my daughter from expressing herself. She has the right to say “no” without feeling guilty. While we encourage kindness, sweetness is no longer a requirement in our home. I am focused on raising a strong, confident woman.
If my daughter grows up and is labeled a “bitch” for being assertive, so be it. I want her to establish her boundaries and uphold them without feeling remorse. If she becomes a spirited young lady who stands her ground and engages in lively debates, I will be proud.
In conclusion, let’s shift the narrative. Raising girls shouldn’t mean shaping them into “sweet” individuals who prioritize others’ comfort over their own. Instead, we should empower them to embrace kindness and assertiveness.
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Summary: In this piece, the author reflects on her upbringing and the societal pressures placed on women to be “sweet.” She emphasizes the importance of raising her daughter to be kind yet assertive, challenging the notion that girls must prioritize others’ feelings over their own comfort and safety.