Parenting
By Maria Thompson
I have a friend named Jake who has a delightful 4-year-old daughter. He proudly identifies as a feminist and is deeply concerned about the influence of societal gender norms. His mission is to nurture his daughter into a strong and self-assured individual.
One day, while joking about the well-known shirts that read, “Forget Princess — I Want to Be an Astrophysicist,” Jake mused, “I need one that says, ‘My Dad Wants Me to Be an Astrophysicist, But I Want to Be a Princess.’”
Jake has given considerable thought to how girls are often boxed into certain interests and identities from a very young age. He recognizes that society tends to lead girls toward pinks, sparkles, and princesses, and he wants to shield his daughter from these limitations. To combat this, he and his wife have made a concerted effort to limit exposure to gender-specific toys, clothing, and media, aiming for a more balanced approach.
Despite their best efforts, Jake’s daughter is completely enamored with all things traditionally girly. She insists on having long hair like Rapunzel and has developed a habit of labeling toys as “for boys” or “for girls.” Recently, she even scolded a boy for being in the “girl aisle” at a toy store. She adamantly refuses to wear anything she deems too boyish.
In her own right, she embodies the quintessential “girly-girl.” Yet, she is also remarkably independent and assertive. While this is admirable, persuading her to soften her gendered language has proven to be a challenge. She is making her choices on her own terms, which is commendable, but her strong affinity for stereotypical feminine traits can be a tough pill for a progressive parent to swallow.
This situation has led Jake to reflect on the age-old question: how much of gender is shaped by society, and how much is inherent? Is there a natural inclination towards certain traits, or is the external messaging so powerful that it overshadows our home influences?
While Jake’s experience is just a single anecdote, many parents have shared similar stories about their attempts at gender neutrality not going as planned. I can relate, as my experience with my own children mirrored this.
My first two children were girls, and when our son arrived, he naturally inherited his sisters’ toys. We aimed to maintain a balance in gendered playthings, but our daughters gravitated towards pink and princesses as well. Consequently, our son had access to these items. He briefly enjoyed wearing tutus but primarily focused on balls and cars, which captured his interest far more.
This is perfectly acceptable, just as it’s perfectly fine for Jake’s daughter to revel in all things pink. Those of us who advocate for the elimination of gender-specific marketing must embrace the diversity of interests across the spectrum.
It’s vital to accept boys who love tutus and tiaras alongside those drawn to trucks and tanks. Likewise, we should be open to girls who prefer hockey over house play, as well as those who adore pink and sparkly things. If we genuinely believe that interests should not be confined to gender, then it shouldn’t matter if our kids fit neatly into traditional categories or break free from them.
However, the challenge lies in the fact that many gendered toys can foster unhealthy ideas about masculinity and femininity. The trope of the damsel in distress waiting for a hero or the superhero who never shows vulnerability can create problematic identities. This is a concern that resonates with Jake as well, and it’s a valid one.
We’ve made some progress in steering our daughters toward stronger role models, like Merida and Mulan, but remnants of misogyny and toxic masculinity still persist in children’s media. While it may not be a cause for constant worry, it’s certainly worth considering.
While gender remains a contentious topic, with many differing opinions, it’s essential for parents to navigate these waters thoughtfully. None of us have all the answers, but we can strive to support our children in expressing their unique personalities and preferences.
As Jake mused about his daughter, “Maybe she’ll be an astrophysicist princess…” And who knows? That’s entirely possible.
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In summary, it’s essential to encourage children to form their identities freely, regardless of societal expectations. By removing barriers and promoting a variety of interests, we can help them thrive in their individuality.