Dear Fellow Preschool Parent,
I may have gone unnoticed in the crowd tonight, but I certainly took notice of you. As you spoke with our children’s teacher, I couldn’t help but hear your incredulous remarks about the peanut-free policy in our classroom. You tilted your head in disbelief, laughing as you said, “Really? A peanut-free classroom?!” To you, it seemed excessive and frustrating.
But if you had paused for just a moment, perhaps you would have considered that the mother of the child with a peanut allergy was standing right next to you. You might have thought about what life would be like in her shoes. Allow me to share a glimpse of what it’s like to be the mother of a child with severe food allergies.
Imagine the sinking feeling that grips your stomach every time an ambulance races by your workplace. You can’t help but wonder if it’s heading to your home, mere blocks away, to assist your child. Did they mistakenly consume something harmful? Will the caregiver call you, confirming your worst fears? The anxiety is relentless, 24/7.
Do you know the pain of crying yourself to sleep for weeks while your infant lies in a hospital bed? You were merely trying to introduce formula to him, hoping to return to work after six months of maternity leave, but a severe reaction to dairy turned your world upside down. It never crossed your mind to ease him into the formula gradually, as you would with solid foods. By the time you recognized there was a problem, he had already consumed all 8 ounces of that formula — an overwhelming amount of allergen for such a tiny body. The guilt is unbearable.
You find yourself sitting in the hospital for the twelfth consecutive night, while a team of specialists struggles to understand why your baby’s albumin levels continue to plummet despite ongoing transfusions. Is it a small bowel injury? Hearing the words, “If we can’t stabilize his levels soon, we’ll have to transfer him to a larger hospital,” feels like a punch to the gut. Watching four nurses hold down your screaming child to insert another IV is heart-wrenching. You feel each ounce of his pain as your heart shatters into countless pieces.
Holding your breath day after day, you endure more tests on your baby than you’ve faced in your entire life. Every day, you wait in dread to see if his levels will stabilize or worsen. You hold his tiny hand as he goes under anesthesia for a series of tests — a colonoscopy, biopsy, and MRI. Then, you wait anxiously for the results to rule out various terrifying conditions.
By some miracle, after two weeks, his levels finally stabilize and begin to rise. You watch as your baby, who once cried in agony during feedings, starts to feel better. His swollen belly begins to shrink. You leave the hospital relieved but utterly exhausted.
Your two-year-old daughter is left confused and scared, unable to comprehend why her brother and parents haven’t been home. She, too, has shed tears, longing for her family. You expect to feel a sense of relief, but instead, the trauma evolves into PTSD layered on top of postpartum depression. When your baby cries during feedings, panic sets in, and you fear the nightmare might be starting anew.
That feeling of helplessness is something you never want to experience again. So, you hold your breath for months while introducing each new food. You live in constant fear that he might accidentally ingest dairy. You scrutinize every ingredient label, knowing your child’s life hangs in the balance.
I understand you may not have known my story when you expressed your frustrations about the peanut-free classroom. However, I kindly ask that you consider the perspective of parents managing food allergies. I realize there’s a stigma attached, and we are often perceived as overly demanding or burdensome. But before you complain or mock our reality, reflect on how you would feel if you were in our position. I hope you can empathize with us, as we all strive to protect our children from harm.
This article was originally published on Sep. 6, 2017.
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Summary:
This heartfelt letter from a mother of a child with severe food allergies sheds light on the constant anxiety and challenges faced by families managing such conditions. Through her personal story of hospital visits and the emotional toll of living in fear of allergic reactions, she urges others to empathize with parents navigating these difficulties, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion in the face of such realities.