By Emma Johnson
We all aspire to raise considerate and respectful individuals. Many parents begin instilling manners in their children before they can even articulate words. I remember my little ones reaching for a snack, and I’d prompt them with, “What do you say?” Once I handed them the cracker, I would again ask, “What do you say?” I felt a sense of accomplishment when, every now and then, a genuine “thank you” would come out without any nudging.
However, teaching children to say “please” and “thank you” doesn’t necessarily cultivate true gratitude. Those responses are often just reflexive, polite phrases that society encourages. A genuinely grateful young child is a rare phenomenon, akin to spotting a unicorn. And let’s face it, those so-called “unicorn parents” are often perceived as unbearable, so take solace in knowing that having an ungrateful child is relatively common.
It’s entirely typical for kids to be self-centered at this stage of their lives. Their worlds are centered around their own needs and desires, and no amount of lecturing about how fortunate they are or enforced community service will change that mindset. Their cognitive development simply hasn’t matured enough to grasp these concepts yet. Most children eventually develop a sense of gratitude and even a hint of altruism, so there’s no need to panic.
Kids have limited ability to think beyond their immediate wants and the “right now” mentality. Is it embarrassing when your child throws a tantrum because you refuse to buy them the latest toy or candy? Absolutely. But it doesn’t reflect poorly on your parenting skills, even if some online critics might disagree.
I recall a time I tried to guilt my then-3-year-old, Oliver, into donating some of his toys by explaining how some children didn’t have any. I thought, “Surely, he will understand how lucky he is and want to share.” I aimed to declutter our home but instead ended up hoping he’d willingly contribute to the donation box.
The outcome? Not what I expected. He cried at the thought of other children lacking toys, showing his kind heart, but he certainly didn’t want to part with any of his own. Instead, he suggested we buy toys for those kids and, while we were at it, could he also get a new toy for himself?
Any attempt to teach your little one gratitude is likely to either go unheard or backfire spectacularly. Planning to return presents or cancel holiday celebrations to impart lessons about appreciation? You might save some cash, but it’s unlikely to lead to a joyful season for anyone involved. Even if your child’s behavior warrants such actions, don’t expect them to learn anything other than “Don’t mess with Mom during the holidays.”
Thinking that community service might encourage them to give back? Well, your kids might be more of a hindrance than a help, getting in the way of adults genuinely trying to make a difference. Teaching kids about generosity is not bad parenting at all, but forcing it on them often fails to instill those values.
As they age and their ability to empathize develops, your earlier efforts can resonate. Simple acts, like guiding them to set aside a portion of their allowance for charity, can gradually foster a sense of giving. However, if they still prioritize their own desires over others when they enter their teenage years, that’s a different situation entirely.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that an ungrateful child is a normal phase in their development. With patience and understanding, they will likely grow into caring and compassionate individuals in time.