Being an adult often feels like a never-ending exhaustion marathon. By the end of the day, I find myself drained from juggling the kids, household chores, my job, and keeping track of all the little details—because I’m the one everyone relies on to stay organized. The last thing I want to do after such a long day is be “on” for my husband.
And no, I don’t mean that kind of “on.” I just mean being able to look alive. I want to be able to engage in conversations that go beyond mere logistics about tomorrow’s carpool. I want to show him, in whatever way I can, that I’m still grateful we’re navigating this parenting journey together. Honestly, I would feel completely lost without his guidance, support, and encouragement. I also want to stay awake past 9 p.m., since he’s a night owl while I’m not.
After a long day, I don’t want to be engaged or present. I want to collapse into bed, zoning out to mindless reality TV. I long to retreat to my sanctuary (my bedroom) and ignore everyone’s needs, including those of my husband. It’s tempting to think that after doing everything all day, I deserve some alone time. I could easily justify just sitting in bed and offering half-hearted responses to his attempts at conversation from the other room. I deserve to read, take a bath, or do whatever helps me unwind at day’s end—because of course, I do. But that won’t keep my marriage thriving.
While it’s wonderful if you enjoy spending time with your spouse, I also cherish my alone time after a demanding day. Juggling the emotional challenges of parenting and personal anxiety while trying to practice self-care can be overwhelming. For me, self-care often means avoiding conversation altogether because I’m just so worn out.
Yet, marriage is fundamentally about sacrifice. It’s essential that these sacrifices are mutual; it can’t be one-sided. I genuinely believe that for any marriage to flourish, both partners must occasionally prioritize each other’s needs above their own.
I strive to take care of myself, but I also focus on nurturing my relationship. Yes, some days it feels like an effort, and I’m sure my husband, Jake, would agree. That’s what makes marriage authentic, beautiful, and sometimes messy.
It’s challenging, and it requires time and effort. There are days when I have to put my own needs aside. Not every day, of course, but I recognize that he needs me too. He craves connection, and after 15 years of marriage, I want to keep that bond strong.
The beauty of marriage is that I know he also makes sacrifices for me. For instance, he’ll join me in bed to talk because he understands that’s where I can truly engage when I’m exhausted.
We both have to invest considerable effort into our relationship. Recently, after a particularly draining day, Jake surprised me by suggesting we go for a hike in the morning instead of hitting the gym. He despises early mornings, and I would usually prefer the gym, but I recognized the message he was sending: “I want to spend time with you.”
So, we woke up early and made our way up the canyon. We hiked together, discussing everything from the kids to life’s big questions. We held hands without interruptions, reminding each other that we are in this together. Our commitment means we both have to work at it.
Of course, divorce can sometimes be the right choice, but so is fighting for what you have. A few years back, we faced some tough times and sought counseling. It helped us realize that we’re not invincible, but we both care enough to put in the effort.
Right now, my goal is to resist the urge to retreat when I desperately want to. It’s about communicating that I truly want to connect with him, even when motherhood feels overwhelming. I’m working hard not to withdraw, and I know he’s doing the same to make me happy.
We’re learning to balance our self-care with each other’s needs, and while it’s a process filled with trial and error, it is working. With a little dedication and sacrifice, beautiful things can blossom in marriage.
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Summary
Marriage requires effort and occasional self-sacrifice. While we all deserve downtime, prioritizing our partner’s needs is essential for nurturing a lasting relationship. It’s a shared journey, and both partners must work together to maintain a strong bond.