“Am I doing a good job as a mom?” I asked my partner, fighting back tears. I could almost predict his response, but hearing it out loud was reassuring.
“Absolutely. You are an amazing mom,” he affirmed, as he settled beside me at the kitchen island. “What’s going on?”
What was going on? The same struggle that had become all too familiar!
“I ask our daughter to do simple tasks—like putting on her shoes, tidying up her toys, or trying something other than Goldfish crackers—and she just ignores me. I find myself repeating myself, growing increasingly frustrated, until I finally snap and start yelling…” My voice trembled as tears streamed down my cheeks. “I just don’t know how to be her mother!”
There it was—the overwhelming emotion I had been grappling with for months, perhaps even years. Despite pouring over numerous parenting books, nothing seemed to significantly enhance my bond with my 5-year-old.
I realized that change was necessary because I didn’t like the version of myself I was becoming: a mom who yelled and threatened too often, a mom who anxiously awaited her kids’ bedtimes. I even began to doubt whether I was fit to be a parent.
While my partner did what he could to support me, his long work hours meant that the majority of daily parenting tasks fell on my shoulders.
That night, after my family had gone to bed, I found myself on my computer searching for answers. Was I not providing enough positive reinforcement? Or was I giving too much? Were my expectations unrealistic for a child her age? Perhaps I was just making excuses for her? Each parenting article I found seemed to contradict the last, leaving me more perplexed than before.
Then it hit me: I was not equipped to handle the challenges I faced with my daughter. Just reading a few parenting books didn’t make me a specialist. I recognized that I needed help.
I understood that the support I sought wouldn’t come from literature, a podcast, or a well-meaning friend. What I needed was tailored advice from a professional. So, I typed “Local Parent-Child Counselors” into Google—and to my surprise, there was a wealth of options available in my town, along with testimonials from parents who had also sought assistance.
I booked an appointment for the following week.
I won’t claim that everything magically resolved after a few sessions. Even after six appointments, my daughter and I are still learning how to communicate effectively—a skill we both desperately needed. However, we are finally starting to truly understand each other, which is a significant step forward.
One technique we recently tried was Whole Body Listening (WBL), devised by speech-language pathologist Susanne Marie Poulette. This method encourages children to engage their entire bodies while listening—by looking with their eyes, keeping their hands still, planting their feet on the floor, and quieting their mouths.
Many parents mistakenly think that listening comes naturally to children, but for many, it is a skill that must be cultivated. Poulette explains in her book, Whole-Body Listening: Developing Active Auditory Skills, that these activities are intended to teach children what they need to do to truly listen, as opposed to merely hearing.
Previously, I expected my daughter to listen to me even when she was distracted. I never thought to say, “Look at me when I’m speaking,” or “Please pause your play so you can hear me.” Yet I would get frustrated when I had to repeat myself. Now I realize that my daughter wasn’t really hearing me.
Sometimes, people ask why I take my 5-year-old to counseling. “Isn’t she too young for that?” they wonder. My answer is a firm “No.” There’s no age too young to learn effective communication skills. These abilities will benefit my daughter—and our whole family—as she grows.
If you ever feel like the advice from parenting books just isn’t enough, I encourage you to reach out to a counselor. It has made a significant difference for me and my family. Parenting is challenging, but with some professional guidance, it can become more manageable.
For more information on navigating parenthood, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination at Progyny.
In summary, seeking professional help can lead to improved communication and stronger relationships within the family. Counseling has provided me with the tools I needed to be a better parent, and it’s never too early to start learning essential skills.