My home is typically neat and orderly, even with four energetic boys who seem to have a talent for turning cleanliness into chaos—muddy footprints, unexpected spills, and booger smears on the walls (as if maintaining a clean space ranks high on a child’s to-do list). When it’s messy by my standards, it’s still not what most would call a disaster. To me, a “mess” consists of a few dishes in the sink, a small stack of mail on the counter, or my kids’ shoes and backpacks strewn across the living room.
This tidiness leads people to assume I have everything figured out. They see my organized home and think it reflects some extraordinary life management skills. When a guest visits for the first time, they often sigh and say, “I wish I could keep my house this clean,” and I can sense the self-doubt creeping in. It’s the same inner voice that whispers we’re not good enough mothers or that we have too much cellulite on our thighs. I just smile and shake my head, hoping to silently convey that their space is just fine and that clutter is part of life.
What I really want to express is this: my home remains clean not because I’m exceptionally organized, but because keeping it that way is so crucial to my well-being that I end up neglecting other important areas of my life to maintain it. And honestly, that’s a bit of a drag.
I genuinely need my environment to be spotless. If it’s not, I feel off-kilter, anxious, and irritable until I can rectify it. An orderly home brings me joy, but the effort it takes to achieve that order can be exhausting. If there’s clutter bothering me, I can’t fully focus on anything else until it’s dealt with.
But since life has its demands, something has to give. You might find me burning the midnight oil, staring blankly at my computer screen, scrambling to meet deadlines I postponed while I was busy scrubbing toilets and tackling laundry. Or I might be telling my kids I can’t play with them yet again because my need to finish washing the dishes and wiping down surfaces is too strong to ignore.
I can’t quite pinpoint why I feel this way, but there are days when I feel like a prisoner to my need for cleanliness. I would love to spend an evening playing catch with my kids or enjoying a walk in the park, but I can’t fully relax until my kitchen is spotless post-dinner. By the time I wrap up, it’s already homework and bath time. I’ve even been late to appointments because I couldn’t step out of the house with laundry strewn about or a sticky floor.
So yes, my house is clean. It usually looks great. But behind that sparkling facade lies my not-so-secret dilemma: I wish I could loosen up a little. I wish I were more like the friends who admire my tidy home. It pains me to think that anyone feels “less than” when they compare their home to mine.
This is the tricky part about appearances. We often judge ourselves harshly based on how we perceive others’ lives to be, even if we have no clue about their realities. We convince ourselves we’re inadequate because someone else seems to have it all, but we rarely see the whole picture—just a beautifully presented slice.
That person posting exotic vacation photos might be drowning in debt. The seemingly fit individual could be struggling with unhealthy habits to maintain their appearance. The happy couple on social media might actually be facing serious issues. I’m not suggesting this is true for everyone, but the point is that we can’t fairly evaluate our lives based on someone else’s highlight reel.
So, if you come over and my house is cleaner than yours, and you start feeling inferior, remember this: while I was busy scrubbing and tidying, you were likely enjoying precious moments with your loved ones—moments I often miss out on.
Consider what truly matters: freshly cleaned curtains and gleaming floors, or giving your children a healthy example of work-life balance? Don’t let envy creep in. Don’t feel like you’re falling short. Instead, take a moment to shrug off your pile of laundry and those dirty dishes, and go make some memories with your kids instead.
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Summary
In this candid reflection, Jenna Brooks shares her struggles with maintaining a clean home while balancing the demands of raising four boys. She reveals that the tidiness often leads others to assume she has everything under control, but in reality, it comes at the expense of other important aspects of her life. She encourages readers to recognize the value of spending quality time with family over striving for a perfect home environment.