When I exchanged vows, I was blissfully unaware of the journey that lay ahead.
Dressed in my grandmother’s wedding gown and adorned with my great-grandmother’s necklace, I walked down the aisle, bouquet of calla lilies in hand. I stumbled through a moment meant for kneeling in front of a Virgin Mary statue. I wore a magnificent six-carat sapphire engagement ring, and our wedding bands were custom-made and engraved in Ireland. While I can’t recall the exact moment I uttered “I do,” I remember the familiar phrases: through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part. I thought the worst would be when my friend accidentally drenched the flower girl with Sprite during the limo ride.
Fast forward to this year, when my husband fell ill with tonsillitis on Mother’s Day. He rushed to a clinic early that Sunday, leaving me to manage three small children at Sunday mass alone. In the parking lot, I found myself in tears after someone mistakenly assumed I was pregnant. “The day’s ruined,” I sobbed. “Guess you won’t be having those donuts,” he replied, clearly upset.
Despite being on a strict diet, we had long talked about indulging in Krispy Kreme. Even while aching from two antibiotic shots, he stopped on his way back from the pharmacy to bring me my own box of Mother’s Day donuts. He reassured me I was beautiful, telling me the rude woman was simply ignorant. He called me amazing, wonderful, and perfect.
This is what saying “I do” truly signifies. It’s about being each other’s saviors and uplifting one another. It encompasses small acts of kindness that keep our spirits alive. It can also manifest in grand gestures. When I said “I do,” I was aware of my mental health challenges, but I didn’t anticipate the severe anxiety disorder and treatment-resistant depression that would emerge, possibly coupled with undiagnosed ADHD.
My husband found himself married to a woman who was far from what he expected: someone who would often cry for hours and face life-threatening thoughts. A woman who would need to enter an outpatient mental health program, prompting him to take family leave and miss the final weeks of teaching to care for our children.
Throughout it all, he remained steadfast. He never wavered in his support or wished for a different partner. Even when I suggested divorce, believing he deserved better, he continued to express his love. Every couple faces their own trials: be it repeated miscarriages, financial struggles, or loss. In those defining moments, one partner must rise to support the other. That’s the essence of “I do.”
“I do” also means embracing the unexpected. It involves moments like standing in the hallway while announcing to your husband, who doesn’t have a steady job and already has two young kids, that you’re pregnant. His initial reaction might be a simple exclamation, “What!” But together, you navigate the emotions. Eventually, fears fade, and that unexpected baby becomes a three-year-old demanding to watch something else for the hundredth time — representing another layer of “I do.”
Saying “I do” encompasses countless moments, sacrifices, fears, tears, and hugs. It means tolerating each other’s quirks, whether it’s enduring Pinterest fails or his obsession with football. It means allowing him into bed after he’s had nothing but a bowl of baked beans for dinner, which is quite disrespectful. It means accepting that you’ve played Hamilton so often for the kids that they can sing along to the inappropriate parts, while you accept that he’ll be out fishing come Saturday morning. “I do” means loving one another despite baby weight, acne, or gray hairs.
When I said “I do,” I thought I had it all figured out. Now, after a decade, three kids, and three dogs, I realize I barely scratched the surface. I have no idea what tomorrow’s vows will demand of me or how I’ll need to love him next week. What I do know is that I made a promise — not just to him, but to myself. I said “I do” because I loved him, and I choose to keep loving him every day. It might not sound overly sentimental, but it is the sweetest commitment of all.
Bear, I choose to love you. I choose you today, tomorrow, and every day to come, through thick and thin, in sickness and health, as long as we both shall live.
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In summary, marriage vows are not just words spoken on a wedding day; they are commitments that evolve over time, shaped by challenges and triumphs alike. Love is a daily choice, made stronger through shared experiences and unwavering support.