This is how it begins. Often, it’s triggered by a significant life change, like welcoming a new addition to the family. For me, it started after the birth of my third child. I assumed it was simply the stress of managing three kids. But whatever the cause, I found myself losing my temper frequently, not just over major issues—like my 4-year-old painting the walls—but also over minor annoyances, such as my 2-year-old spilling his building blocks everywhere.
The sound of those blocks crashing to the floor sent my nerves into overdrive. Just hearing it made me feel a surge of anger. Even simple requests from my children could trigger an unexpected explosion of rage. When my toddler would say, “Mom, I’m hungry,” I would snap back from the couch, nursing the baby, “But you just ate! Can’t you grab a banana yourself?”
Afterward, I would feel a wave of guilt wash over me. I loved my kids dearly and never wanted to hurt them, yet the yelling persisted. I thought I had developed some sort of anger problem. I feared I was a terrible person and believed I was alone in feeling this way. Who treats their children with such frustration if not someone truly awful? I had no idea that my anxiety disorder was manifesting as anger, a common experience for many mothers.
The truth was, I wasn’t angry; I was scared.
Understanding the Connection
Each of us discovers our struggles in different ways. For me, it was during a visit to my psychiatrist while addressing my postpartum anxiety. I broke down and shared my fears: “I feel terrible for my kids. I have no patience left.” She reassured me, “This is part of the same anxiety disorder. Sometimes anxiety shows up as stress, which can lead to anger. You’re not mad at your kids; you’re just frightened, and that’s very normal.”
I sobbed, realizing I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t some terrible outlier; I was a mom grappling with anxiety alongside so many others who might also yell at their kids for seemingly trivial reasons. That understanding was a relief.
Managing Anxiety
Three years later, I still rely on medication to manage my anxiety, which has evolved from postpartum anxiety to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I hadn’t transformed into an angry person; I was anxious. Perhaps the noise of the blocks annoyed me because I felt like I was losing control of my home. Or when my son asked for food while I was nursing, it triggered fears about my ability to meet his needs.
I can now recognize the buildup of tension and the fear or panic that accompanies my anger. Messes and clutter can lead many of us into a rage spiral. Those of you who understand anxiety will relate: the dread of feeling overwhelmed and losing control.
I’ve lived amidst chaos and fear I might return to that state. And what do kids do? They create messes! We know this, yet it still infuriates us, not because of their behavior, but because our own fears are stirred.
Everyday Challenges
Imagine trying to leave for the day, only to find your youngest can’t locate his shoes. Frustration mounts, then you step outside to realize the car keys are missing. You have to leave your kids outside while you hunt for them, and the chaos only escalates. When your three-year-old refuses to get into his car seat, the anger spills over: “Why can’t you do this right? You’re not a baby!” His lip quivers, and you wish you could take back the words, realizing your anger has nothing to do with him. It’s all rooted in anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
Living with an anxiety disorder that manifests as stress and anger means you’re constantly trying to manage your emotions. You wrestle with understanding what you truly feel, which is exhausting. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you lose control and yell at those you love most. That’s perhaps the hardest part of it all.
Resources for Support
For more insights on managing anxiety and its effects on parenting, check out this blog post. If you’re seeking ways to enhance your fertility, Make A Mom offers great supplements. For additional information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Facts About Fertility, a valuable resource.
Conclusion
In summary, what I initially thought was a problem with anger was really a manifestation of anxiety. Understanding this has been crucial for my mental health and parenting.