Lately, discussions about marriage seem to fall into two categories. On one side, we’re venting about how our partner can’t find the milk right in front of them (cue the collective sigh). On the other, we’re celebrating our incredible spouse, declaring we’re best friends and feeling hashtag blessed (cue the eye-roll).
I’ll admit, my husband, Alex, is a pretty fantastic guy. After 13 years of marriage and 17 years together, we’ve experienced our fair share of highs and lows. Sure, he can drive me absolutely nuts at times, but he remains my favorite person on the planet. He embodies more than just my best friend; he’s my teammate, partner, lover, and confidant—all rolled into one wonderfully flawed individual.
But even though Alex is my favorite human (a close second to our kids), he isn’t my only confidant. No one person can fulfill every role in our lives, right? That’s where my girlfriends come in.
While Alex may be privy to my deepest secrets, he tends to zone out during discussions about cramps or the various contraception options. He’s not exactly the best person to debate whether those capris are a fashion mistake or predict the likelihood of a celebrity divorce.
Spouses are indeed wonderful, embodying many of the qualities we desire in a life partner. However, they cannot substitute for our girlfriends. My husband may be my friend, but he’s not my BFF.
There’s something cathartic about sharing gripes with my best friend about the socks left on the floor or the fact that no one in the house seems to know how to load the dishwasher. And while romantic date nights are essential for a healthy relationship, they can’t replace the joy of a girls’ weekend where laughter makes us pee a little. Those moments of purely female bonding—like getting mani/pedis together or enjoying a leisurely brunch filled with gossip and mimosas—are irreplaceable.
My girlfriends have shared memories that go back to before I met Alex, long before motherhood and adult responsibilities took over. They remind me of who I am at my core: the little girl with glasses, the awkward teen with crimped hair, and the adventurous woman in her twenties who embraced new experiences without hesitation.
Time spent with these friends is essential. In our busy lives, it’s easy to neglect these connections, but we need each other. Our conversations can be silly and light, filled with emojis and gifs, or deep and validating, reflecting the complexities of life as women. They understand the struggles we face, from challenging mother-daughter dynamics to the frustrations of being overlooked in the workplace.
While our spouses are remarkable individuals and our most important relationships, they can’t be our everything. It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect one person to meet all our emotional needs. This pressure can strain the relationship.
So, why not send a quick text to your best friend—just to let her know she’s on your mind? Plan a girls’ night out, even if it’s a month away, or share a funny article about female friendships. Whatever you do, remind her of your love, whether through a playful emoji or a witty gif. Life gets busy, but she understands.
As only a true girlfriend can.
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Summary
While our spouses are amazing partners, they cannot replace the unique bond we share with our girlfriends. These friends remind us of who we are and provide emotional support that complements our relationships with our partners. Nurturing these friendships is just as important as maintaining romantic relationships.