Parenting
Rethinking Failure with Insights from Sarah Mitchell
by Clara Johnson
Updated: Sep. 6, 2015
Originally Published: Sep. 6, 2015
I recently delved into Sarah Mitchell’s book, Absolutely Yes, which sparked reflections on what personal failure truly means. Contrary to being a failure, Absolutely Yes proved to be insightful, motivating, and amusing, affirming that my admiration for Sarah over the years has been well placed. One particular observation she made about failure resonated deeply with me.
As a woman in my 30s, I find myself at a juncture where several pivotal life decisions are now irreversible and have been subject to my own and society’s scrutiny. This has led me to ponder the true essence of failure. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether I have failed or will fail, often closing my eyes and hoping against hope that I’m making the right decisions. There’s no way to rewind time; adult choices come with adult consequences, and that can feel incredibly daunting.
In Absolutely Yes, Sarah shared her perspective on the end of her marriage to David Harrison, framing it not as a failure but as a learning experience. She reflected on their decade-long marriage, which brought her joy and motherhood, and concluded it with mutual respect and a commitment to co-parenting. Rather than viewing her divorce as a defeat, she recognized it as a chapter that contributed to her life story. Though the situation was painful, she embraced it, viewing her family’s new dynamic and the cherished memories they created together as a success.
I found a kindred spirit in Sarah as she navigated life’s unpredictabilities. I empathize with her experience of hoping for one outcome, only to be met with a drastically different reality. My own struggle revolves around the decision to pause my career ambitions to focus on raising my children when my son was born six years ago.
During my time at home, I often felt societal pressure that labeled me a failure for not pursuing a career outside my home. I can’t count the number of times I sensed disappointment in others when they learned I chose motherhood over professional advancement. It seemed that many expected me to juggle everything seamlessly, or else they deemed me a quitter.
There were even instances when individuals would question why I wasn’t utilizing my advanced degree, or assert that they could never undertake what I was doing due to the potential for boredom. Such comments always struck me as patronizing and disrespectful, yet they also planted seeds of doubt in my mind. While I deeply value the time spent with my children, re-entering the workforce has proven challenging. At times, I feel overwhelmed by frustration, wishing to reclaim opportunities that now seem out of reach.
Applying Sarah’s philosophy on failure to my choice of prioritizing motherhood has been enlightening. My career trajectory may not align with my original expectations, but I take pride in being an engaged mother. The time spent with my children has been filled with joy, despite its challenges, and I still have plenty of opportunities to pursue my ambitions later. Sarah’s forgiving attitude toward her own perceived failures has inspired me to extend the same kindness to myself.
I’ve resolved to be more compassionate towards my decisions; not everyone may understand or agree with my path, but I am at peace with my choices. I know that each decision I’ve made has been weighed with care, and I trust that this period of professional delay will reveal its own significance in the future. For every setback and disappointment, I believe new opportunities are being prepared for me that might not have been possible otherwise. I am confident that when I look back, what once felt like failures will be seen as essential elements of my journey.
Just as Sarah concluded, “Advocating for ourselves as we would for a friend is challenging but ultimately rewarding.”
This piece was originally published on Sep. 6, 2015. If you’re interested in more insights, consider checking out this blog post for additional resources.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the concept of failure through the lens of Sarah Mitchell’s insights, particularly concerning motherhood and personal choices. It emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and understanding that life’s unpredictable paths can lead to growth and fulfillment, even when they deviate from initial plans.