I’m in a committed relationship, which brings a few realizations. First, I’ve come to understand that some clichés hold weight. For instance, women really do dislike it when you leave the toilet seat up. I always thought they had a good sense of spatial awareness, but as it turns out, I need to protect my partner from a potentially embarrassing plunge into the toilet.
Second, my home smells significantly nicer than it would if I were a 40-year-old bachelor. We have more candles than a holiday celebration. Entering my house, you’re greeted with scents of cinnamon, a candle version of the “ocean” (which is nothing like the actual ocean, a place that smells like fish), and sandalwood. Truth be told, I have no idea what verbena, jojoba, or sandalwood actually are. I suspect a savvy marketer just threw some fancy names on the labels to impress the guys in the room who didn’t want to admit they were clueless.
Whatever those scents are, they beat the odor of cheap cologne, leftover pizza, and beer. Plus, if we ever need to alert anyone of an impending invasion, we’re stocked and ready.
Thirdly, if a show revolves around house flipping, searching for homes, or renovations—whether it’s a tiny house or a couple of cheerful siblings from Waco—I’ve probably watched it. Not out of desire, mind you, but because my partner enjoys these shows (and it appears many women do, given the ad rotations on these channels). My choices of watching the news or reruns of animated sitcoms are apparently less appealing.
So, having endured a massive number of episodes of various home improvement shows, I’ve noticed a few quirks that I feel compelled to address. While I could use my free time to delve into classic literature or volunteer, I’ve decided that mocking HGTV programming is a more valuable pursuit.
1. Every Carpet Hides Perfect Hardwood
Every time they pull back the carpet, the host gasps, “Oh look! Beautiful original hardwood floors!” Come on, really? There’s no way every home has pristine hardwood underneath. If the original owners had such lovely floors, they wouldn’t have covered them up. Just once, I’d like to see them lift the carpet to reveal raw dirt!
2. Everyone’s a Social Butterfly
It seems every couple claims they love hosting gatherings. Personally, I’m content having people over once or twice a year. In reality, my partner wants to invite friends over a few times annually, while I’d prefer lounging in sweats with snacks. But, to avoid being single, I compromise. Every couple on these shows seems to relish the idea of entertaining, eagerly knocking down walls to create open spaces. I’d rather add more walls to hide when guests arrive.
3. The Shoe Closet Stereotype
Every woman on these shows makes a joke about needing a huge closet for shoes, reinforcing stereotypes. No, we don’t all assume that just because you’re female, you require an entire room for footwear. Should I also assume you’re a high-fashion editor?
4. The Myth of the Man Cave
Usually, the woman will point out a “bonus room” as a potential man cave, followed by laughter. Sure, I wouldn’t mind a place to watch sports, but I call my entire house my man cave. Plus, my partner enjoys football and beer too, so what’s the point of having a separate space?
5. Women Are Always in Charge
Every show seems to depict women as the decision-makers, while men appear clueless. While I respect my partner, I refuse to play into this trope. It’s frustrating to see how this portrayal can reinforce outdated stereotypes instead of highlighting a balanced partnership.
6. Unrealistic Budgets
We’ve all seen the meme—a young couple with a budget that would make any adult cringe. Seriously? A 25-year-old dog trainer and a 24-year-old sculptor shouldn’t have a starting budget of $1.7 million. It’s absurd.
7. Tiny Home Buyers Want More Space
It’s ironic when tiny home buyers express a desire for more room. It’s called a “tiny home” for a reason! It’s akin to looking for a suburban house and wishing it were closer to downtown.
8. Waco as a Paradise
According to hosts Chip and Jo, Waco is a utopia. But having visited, I’d compare it to an awkward experience—unpleasant until you’ve had a few drinks to numb the discomfort. While they paint a rosy picture, it’s really just a hub for former college fraternity members and their suburban dreams.
You might wonder how I know so much about these shows if I supposedly dislike them. It’s like I’ve developed a strange bond with them from being forced to watch. I roll my eyes at the remote landing in the wrong hands but find myself critiquing the lack of accent colors in rooms they’ve “opened up.”
In conclusion, while I may complain about these home improvement shows, I’ve inadvertently become part of their culture. If you’re interested in further exploring topics on home insemination and related resources, we have articles that delve into various aspects of this journey.
For more insights into home insemination, check out this link. And for detailed information on at-home insemination kits, visit Cryobaby. Also, consider this resource for all things pregnancy and home insemination.