A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a thought-provoking article that truly made me pause. It’s rare for a blog post to compel me to set my phone aside and deeply reflect on its message, let alone feel the urge to discuss it with friends immediately.
In the piece titled “Dear Not So Great Husbands, This Is Your Wake-Up Call,” writer Jonathan Reed argues that many husbands think they’re doing a good job in their marriages, yet they still fall short in significant ways. He boldly tells men that merely providing for their families or being attentive in the bedroom isn’t enough to guarantee a strong relationship. This realization struck him when his wife announced last year that she was leaving him after nine years together.
The pivotal moment came when she removed her wedding ring and expressed her desire to end the marriage. It was then that he recognized his failings as a husband. Throughout his article, he aims to help other men avoid the same pitfalls he encountered in his own marriage.
Reed’s most significant mistake? Allowing his wife to feel isolated in their relationship. He reflects on how he consistently prioritized his own desires over her need for closeness. One incident he highlights as a “defining moment” involved his choice to watch the final round of a golf tournament instead of spending quality time with his family. He hadn’t realized how disconnected his wife felt, and he later traced her decision to leave back to that day.
While some readers defended his right to enjoy a golf game, others sympathized with his wife, understanding her anger at what they saw as selfish behavior. When I shared this article on my social media, the response was overwhelming. Many women chimed in, sharing their own feelings of loneliness within their marriages—some even recounted leaving their partners for similar reasons. They expressed the heartache of being sidelined by their husbands’ hobbies and career commitments.
The common theme was a lack of communication in many relationships. Men also weighed in, voicing frustrations about their partners not being open with their feelings, confusion over their roles, and resentment toward another man criticizing husbands.
I was surprised by the pushback I received from male friends when I mentioned how the article resonated with me. Some accused me of endorsing “husband bashing,” expressing disappointment that I acknowledged the reality that one partner often feels alone in a marriage.
However, I found myself reflecting on my own actions. My husband and I have faced challenges recently, and we’ve both needed to confront our roles in our relationship issues. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I, too, sometimes fall short as a partner. There are times when my husband feels neglected as I prioritize work, children, or social activities over our time together. Yet, I’ve felt that same neglect at times too. It’s not fair to assign all the blame to him—communication is a two-way street.
In any long-term relationship, one partner may falter at some point. Whether it’s due to work commitments or being overwhelmed by responsibilities, neglect can creep in. With time, couples often learn to navigate these rough patches, understanding that relationships have their ups and downs.
The essence of Reed’s article isn’t to label all husbands as terrible partners but to highlight that relationships require effort, commitment, and communication. When communication falters, marriages can struggle. His honest self-reflection serves as a valuable reminder for anyone feeling that their relationship is lacking.
We can take responsibility for our actions and initiate positive changes. Opening lines of communication can often lead to healing. Sometimes, it may even be beneficial to consider therapy to get back on track. However, the key takeaway is that investing time in your partner fosters connection and can help mend the rough spots.
So, when you find yourself being the ‘not so great partner,’ acknowledge it and strive to make things right. Talk to your spouse about your desires and encourage them to share their needs. You might be surprised by the profound difference these simple gestures can create.
For more valuable insights, check out this excellent resource on CDC – Pregnancy, and learn more about the journey of conception at Make a Mom – Couples Fertility Journey.
Summary: Relationships require consistent communication and effort, and it’s important for partners to acknowledge when they’re not meeting each other’s needs. By taking responsibility for one’s actions and fostering open dialogue, couples can work through challenges together and strengthen their bond.