Why do so many of us complicate motherhood, a challenging journey in itself, and turn it into an impossible task? The reality is that motherhood is not a sport you can prepare for; it’s not a race you can win. There are no awards waiting for you at the end of this path.
You pour your heart and soul into it. You might forego cheese, wine, and deli meats for nine months. You may stop coloring your hair. Many of us sacrifice parts of ourselves (I lost my smile). You give up sleep, intimacy, and precious alone time. You relinquish hobbies, quiet Sunday mornings, lazy Saturday naps, and even the convenience of takeout dinners. Many of us lose our identities, careers, financial stability, and even our dreams.
But guess what? There’s still no shiny trophy waiting for you at the finish line. Once you become a mother, that role stays with you for life. It ebbs and flows, sometimes getting easier only to become challenging again. It’s like a persistent itch — just when you think it’s gone, it returns. But it never truly ends.
So what lies at the end of motherhood? Ultimately, it’s death. Even then, you’ll likely find your experiences analyzed in therapy sessions.
Motherhood isn’t a competitive event. You won’t earn a gold medal for crafting homemade marshmallows for Rice Krispie treats. You won’t stand on the winner’s podium just because your child engages in three extracurricular activities, nor will you receive accolades for allowing them to play in the mud instead. There’s no celebration for shuttling your child to various teams or organizing their Latin lessons. You won’t break records for surviving on minimal sleep or for breastfeeding the longest. Regardless of how much you do or don’t do, or the type of cakes you create or buy, there will be no medal.
There’s no silver lining for those who puree kale or for those of us who strive to write authentically about the experience of motherhood.
Motherhood is not a sprint. It doesn’t require rigorous training or hydration breaks (unless we’re talking about a glass of wine). While we all seek to discover our personal best, that pursuit should focus on achieving a balance between raising healthy, functioning children and maintaining our own well-being.
Trying to do it all or be the best in every aspect might provide a fleeting sense of accomplishment, but in the end? Still no medal.
If you’re fortunate, you might receive some flowers and brunch on that special Sunday in May. You can bake the most exquisite cakes, host unforgettable parties, and sew the best Halloween costumes. You can create lunches inspired by Van Gogh or volunteer for every school event, cheering from the front row. Or, you might brag about not doing any of those things.
But still, no medal.
Women are bright, talented, and resourceful. Yet, when we become mothers, all those incredible facets of our identity often get funneled into the narrow confines of motherhood, sometimes bursting forth like a balloon. Eventually, this leads to the phenomenon of mothers striving for gold.
Being a good or even a bad mom doesn’t have to define every aspect of who you are. It can be a significant part of your identity, perhaps the most important one if you choose, but don’t let others dictate that choice for you. Though motherhood can feel competitive, it truly isn’t.
There are no special podiums, no flags to be raised, and no national anthems to sing. You won’t be presented with interviews or your face on a box of diapers. There are no ticker tape parades or entries in Wikipedia. No trophies or consolation prizes await.
The true reward at the end of motherhood is children who grow to lead respectful lives and contribute positively to society — even if that contribution is simply being kind. That is worth far more than any medal. Just remember to take care of yourself along the way, or you might miss out on enjoying the journey altogether.
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Summary:
Motherhood is a challenging journey without any awards or medals at the end. It’s not a competition, and the focus should be on finding balance in raising children and taking care of ourselves. The true reward lies in nurturing kids who grow into kind and respectful adults.