“Don’t fret, sweetheart. You’ll find that when it’s your own child, nothing will gross you out.” These comforting words from my mother are forever etched in my memory. They were uttered during my baby shower when I had firmly banned that revolting game where melted candy bars are disguised in diapers. It was beyond disgusting! But it left me wondering: if melted chocolate in a diaper makes me cringe, how will I handle the real thing? Would I even be capable of being a mom?
Fortunately, my mother was correct. I managed diaper changes without the horror I had anticipated. By some miracle, I even overcame my extreme fear of vomit. My baby was a constant spitter, evolving into a child who could vomit at the slightest provocation. She became my personal immersion therapy guide, and now, vomit barely registers on my anxiety scale. I’ve dealt with everything from sinus infections to stitches. If it involves bodily fluids, I’ve likely had it on me and cleaned it up.
The girl who once gagged at the sight of a microwaved candy bar now has the stomach of a soldier. I could probably handle triage on a battlefield with how desensitized I’ve become. But there was one parenting challenge I wasn’t ready for: loose teeth. Bee stings, runny noses, infected scrapes? No problem. But a tooth dangling near me? I need smelling salts, please.
Before becoming a parent, I had little experience with loose teeth, so I was unaware of my aversion. Looking back at my own childhood, I can’t recall a single visit from the tooth fairy. It must be that those memories were too traumatic to keep.
I often have nightmares where my teeth fall out one by one. This is, apparently, a common fear, but it does little to ease my panic when I wake up terrified of gumming mashed potatoes for the rest of my life or ending up with dentures like my grandfather haunted me with as a child.
When my daughter turned six, my fears became a reality. Thankfully, my own teeth were intact, but hers were falling out left and right—a typical childhood milestone that I just can’t handle. The first time she wiggled a loose tooth in front of me, I shuddered violently and had to take deep breaths to avoid losing my breakfast. She found my reaction hilarious.
For weeks, that baby tooth hung by an unsettling thread, and I could barely be in the same room with her as she teased me with it. Eventually, she grew tired of the wiggly tooth and, in a moment of brave heroism, yanked it out, blood streaming down her chin. She looked like a character from a horror film, and I turned as pale as a ghost. I had to summon my husband to deal with the mess while I recovered like a Victorian lady fainting from the vapors.
That night, we experienced our first visit from the tooth fairy, and let me tell you, she clearly needs more practice. She didn’t have change for a ten-dollar bill and left that amount under my daughter’s pillow, setting an unsustainable precedent. If she keeps this up, she’ll be broke before my child’s adult teeth even appear.
My kindergartner, ever the entrepreneur, saw an opportunity and began yanking her own teeth whenever they were loose. “Mommy! This is fantastic! I can just pull my teeth out and we can go on a cruise!” she exclaimed. “Uh, I don’t think it works that way, sweetie,” I replied, promptly hiding all pliers in the house.
In a bid to spare me, she decided to extract her teeth at school, apparently a popular trick there. Who knows? She might become a fascinating party entertainer or perhaps even a performance artist! Better yet, maybe she’ll grow up to be a dentist, cultivating a passion for oral health.
The good news? Our tooth fairy is finally getting organized. I hear she now keeps a stash of small bills to avoid draining her savings account. Progress!
As parents, we all have our quirks, the messy, unpleasant aspects of raising children that take us by surprise. While my mother was right about some things becoming less bothersome, she was completely off the mark regarding loose teeth. I’m working on facing the sight of a baby tooth dangling from a bloody socket, but for now, loose teeth remain my ultimate kryptonite.
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In summary, parenting is a journey filled with unexpected challenges, and while I’ve become desensitized to many bodily fluids, loose teeth remain my greatest fear.