You don’t witness the toughest moments of my illness because I keep them from you.
When you see me, I appear composed. My makeup is perfect, and my hair is styled. Over time, I’ve discovered how to present my best self with minimal effort, mastering the art of appearing normal while dealing with an unusual condition. I’ll share a smile, even if I’m hurting inside, and I’ll remain quiet while my body protests. I do this to blend in, to experience a sense of normalcy, and to spare you from the discomfort of facing an illness you may not know how to handle. I do this in hopes that, for a fleeting moment, I might seem healthy.
The Hidden Struggles
The days when my illness hits hardest are hidden from your view. Only my partner, Alex, and my sister, Mia, truly see the extent of my struggles. The nature of my condition demands seclusion; on days when I’m flaring, the last thing I want is to be out in public, forcing a smile or pretending to look okay. So instead, I retreat to my cozy apartment, surrounded by familiar walls.
There are few places I can go during a bad day, and even fewer on a truly terrible day. These must be safe spaces, where I don’t feel the need to explain myself. This isn’t out of shame, but rather a necessity for protection during my most vulnerable moments. However, this choice often leads to misunderstandings about the seriousness of my condition.
Perception vs. Reality
You may have never seen me faint, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t occur. You may not have witnessed me breathless after a simple shower, but it happens. You likely haven’t seen my hands tremble or my complexion turn pale as I struggle for air after standing. On those days, I hide away. But I assure you, those days are all too real.
I share this because it’s too easy to judge someone’s health based solely on what you observe when you’re with them. You might wonder why I can’t pursue a regular job or why I write so passionately about chronic illness. You might even think I exaggerate for sympathy. But what you see in a moment doesn’t represent my everyday reality.
I strive to appear normal, not to seek pity, but to avoid making my illness the focal point of every interaction. I write to shed light on what often remains concealed. I want others to understand my experiences, not just for my sake, but to foster understanding for individuals who share similar struggles. I hope to encourage thoughtfulness before forming assumptions based solely on appearances.
Resources for Further Understanding
For more insights on similar topics, you can check out my other blog post here. If you are looking for more comprehensive information about at-home insemination, Make A Mom is an excellent resource. Additionally, Medline Plus provides valuable information regarding pregnancy and home insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, while I may appear well when you see me, my reality is often much different. I hide my worst days to protect myself and maintain a sense of normalcy. Understanding this complexity can help bridge the gap between perception and reality for those living with chronic conditions.