I understand that time flies when you’re raising kids. I recognize that things could always be more challenging. I also realize that every cloud has a silver lining, or so I’ve been told by well-meaning friends, old acquaintances I meet in the grocery store, and overly enthusiastic parenting coaches.
But here’s the truth: I’m tired of hearing that I should always look for the positives in every parenting hurdle I face. I don’t need reminders from empty nesters who sigh nostalgically as they observe my rambunctious toddler. Some days, parenting is just hard, and I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
I get why so many people see life through a lens of optimism. It’s great that they’ve found joy in reflecting on their past, and I’m genuinely happy for those who are thriving in the moment. But you know the type I’m referring to—the ones who dismiss your struggles with a cheerful comment like, “Enjoy every moment! Before you know it, they’ll be grown!” or “At least it’s not as bad as lice!”
Honestly? Enough with that. Just because I’m not dealing with head lice doesn’t mean I’m not feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes, I just want to vent about the chaos.
There are moments when I wish I could fully experience my feelings without interruption. Yes, tomorrow is a fresh start, and thank goodness for that. But right now? I need to acknowledge my frustration, sadness, or even anger before I can rally myself to move forward.
Parenting is incredibly challenging, and it’s essential to embrace the entire emotional spectrum—the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Why do we perpetuate the idea that parents must suppress their negative feelings? If we truly believe in savoring every aspect of parenting, shouldn’t we also allow for the acknowledgment of tough times?
I wholeheartedly believe that experiencing sadness helps us appreciate joy. I want to be okay with feeling frustrated when my child is throwing a tantrum, so I can fully relish the tender moments of reconciliation when we eventually hug it out.
There are nights when I might sob into my pillow, wishing for a brief escape from it all, but I know that these feelings can enhance my appreciation for the sweeter moments. I would never tell my children to suppress their emotions or ignore their disappointments, so why is there an expectation for mothers to be perpetually grateful and cheerful?
Imagine if I responded to my child’s sadness with, “Look on the bright side! At least you’re not being bullied!” It would be absurd and detrimental to their emotional growth.
That said, I recognize the value of incorporating a bit of positivity into my life. I’m naturally more inclined to see the glass as half empty, but I’m aware of my many blessings. I remind myself daily that I have so much to be grateful for—three wonderful children who mean the world to me.
I strive to find the silver linings, even during difficult moments, while battling anxiety and depression on top of it all. For many of us, venting serves as a therapeutic outlet, helping us release negativity and return to our children with a lighter heart. I relish the camaraderie of fellow mothers who share their struggles, as we find humor in our challenges and support one another in our fears of failing as parents.
Feeling frustrated for a short time doesn’t make me a bad mom; in fact, it might even make me a better one, as I teach my children that it’s okay to experience their emotions before moving forward. Yes, I know others may have it worse than I do, and I count my blessings when I can. But if I want to vent, can’t we just let that happen?
When I’m an older woman reflecting on my parenting journey, I won’t say, “It goes so fast!” Instead, I’ll share words of encouragement like, “Parenting can be really tough. You’ve got this!” because that’s what I need to hear right now.
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In summary, it’s crucial to acknowledge that parenting can be overwhelming. While it’s beneficial to seek out positivity, we must also allow ourselves to feel and express the full range of our emotions. Embracing the tough moments can ultimately enhance our appreciation for the joyful ones.