Dear Overwhelmed Mother in the Grocery Store,
I noticed you.
Lunchables? Seriously?
I could hear your little one begging for popsicles, and I watched as you opened the freezer, asking which flavor they wanted. I saw you leave the store with your child—who was definitely too big to be in a cart—bombarding you with questions. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and muttered, “Just…because. That’s just how it is.” I could see you were searching for a better answer but felt too drained to offer one.
I saw you. I recognize you.
I am you.
There’s a common belief that mothers must always be “on.” This expectation has woven itself into our societal fabric, giving rise to the judgment and criticism that often characterize the so-called “mommy wars.” As imperfect beings, when we slip up, we feel pressured to keep it quiet. And if we do share our missteps, we better package them with a hefty dose of remorse and the promise of personal growth.
When I penned my piece titled “Dear Mom Who Feels Like She’s Failing,” I aimed to provide a dose of realism and solidarity to every mother out there. But, as with the internet, I was met with the suggestion that I simply needed to stop being “lazy.”
In response, I felt a whirlwind of emotions: anger, sadness, defensiveness, and indignation—typical for anyone who dares to read comments.
I’m not lazy!
I’m exhausted! I’m overwhelmed!
Well, alright, sometimes I am lazy.
Here’s my moment of self-reflection: I’ve come to accept that I don’t need to be less lazy; instead, I can strive to be lazy more effectively. I’m channeling my laziness into creating wonderful childhood memories.
Truthfully, many of my daughter’s cherished moments stem from my laid-back approach. Just the other night, she orchestrated a surprise party for me—not because it was a special occasion, but simply because she thinks I’m pretty great. It culminated in her giving me a pedicure right there in the hallway. I reclined on the floor, hands behind my head, savoring this delightful bonding time—though let’s be honest, I was just really, really tired.
When she decided to play in the mud by the lake—transforming herself into a sea monster—I knew I’d face a messy cleanup later. But I thought, “Let future me handle that.”
Then there was the day my toddler flipped over the dog’s water bowl. Instead of saying no, I laid down a towel and handed him cups, spoons, and a fresh bowl of water. Sure, he was learning something, but honestly, I just wanted to prepare dinner.
When anxiety takes hold, I can become the “no” monster who squashes fun for fear of messes. However, by embracing that lazy part of me and saying, “I’ll deal with this later,” I’m able to create memorable moments for my kids.
Future me might think I’m terrible for leaving a mess, but my children will never know that these kitchen experiments happened simply because I was too hungry to stand up.
Who hasn’t engaged in games of “Who can stay quiet the longest?” or pretended to be sick while the kids played doctor?
Sure, there’s always room for improvement. If you think otherwise, you’re likely mistaken. At times, my laziness manifests in less constructive ways—like the dreaded “because I said so.” But more often, my laziness and creativity blend together like blue and red play-dough that I couldn’t muster the energy to keep separate.
Someday, when I’m no longer here, I can picture my son reminiscing about the time I let them draw on the walls with chalk. His sister will chime in, “And remember all the glitter?”
So yes, maybe I am lazy at times. And maybe that’s perfectly okay.
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In summary, being a mother is a balancing act of embracing our laziness while creating lasting memories. It’s about finding joy in the little things, accepting our imperfections, and understanding that sometimes, a little laziness can lead to the most cherished experiences.