The alarming statistic indicates that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at least once during their lives. While this fact once provided a sense of shared experience, it now weighs heavily on my mind for my daughter. She faces a 20 percent likelihood of encountering such a horrific situation. My deepest desire is to protect her indefinitely, yet I recognize that this is beyond my capability.
I could offer her a list of precautions to avoid sexual violence. Here’s what that might look like:
- Trust no one.
- Always maintain a defensive stance.
- Avoid dating and intimate relationships.
- Never share living spaces with others.
- Drink only when isolated.
- Keep personal information completely private online.
- Refrain from using the internet altogether.
- Cover up completely, even in warm weather.
- Avoid hairstyles that might attract attention.
- Stay indoors at all times.
If I imparted these warnings, perhaps she would heed them and evade assault. However, such an existence would mean a life devoid of love, connection, and genuine experiences. She would miss the joy of an embrace, the warmth of the sun on her skin, the thrill of friendship, and the beauty of vulnerability. Instead of truly living, she would simply exist.
Alternatively, despite my warnings, she might still fall victim. Perhaps she’d choose to engage with life—attending gatherings, enjoying time with friends, and trusting those around her. If a betrayal occurred, she might internalize my previous advice, leading her to blame herself for her situation. She could think that her choices—like wearing a skirt or trusting someone—made her responsible for the assault. In her mind, the idea of “if only” would haunt her, leading to silence and shame. The trauma would transform her life, instilling a paralyzing fear that would strip her of joy and agency.
But I want her to thrive.
Instead of instilling fear, I will impart this essential truth: Your body belongs to you. Consent is paramount—yes means yes, no means no, and silence is not consent. It’s vital to trust yourself and others, to embrace vulnerability. Remember, rape is never the victim’s fault unless one is the perpetrator. Strive never to be that perpetrator. Live boldly. Step outside. Make authentic connections. Surround yourself with trustworthy people. When the time is right, embrace relationships, explore intimacy, and pursue happiness.
You might face dangers—be it assault, theft, or other forms of violence—but remember, none of it is your fault. I cannot fully protect you; however, a life worth living entails risks.
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In summary, the conversation surrounding sexual assault is complex and deeply personal. While the statistics are daunting, the focus should be on fostering a sense of agency and understanding consent, allowing individuals to live their lives without undue fear.