For as long as I can remember, I’ve been on the heavier side. While I was never unhealthy, my larger frame often left me feeling self-conscious. I tried to brush it off, but deep down, it gnawed at me. Everything shifted when my daughter, Lily, was born.
At my heaviest, I weighed over 200 pounds and wore a size 16. The thought of being categorized as plus-sized filled me with dread. I worried about not being able to keep up with Lily as she grew more active. I envisioned myself stuck in unflattering clothes from plus-sized retailers (though I now know those stores offer stylish options). I feared that my husband would find me unappealing and that society would judge me harshly.
Determined to change, I committed to a healthier lifestyle. I exercised regularly and adopted a nutritious diet. Before long, I had slimmed down to 165 pounds on my 5-foot-6-inch frame. I felt stronger, more flexible, and able to outpace my friends. I reveled in my newfound fitness and the joy of healthy eating.
However, life has a way of throwing challenges your way. Over the last three years, I’ve gradually regained weight. My muscles have weakened, and I often feel stiff and lethargic. Most concerning, I struggle to keep up with Lily, who is now 7, and she’s starting to notice.
Her innocent questions cut deep. “Why are you bigger than Dad?” she asks. “Why is your tummy so soft?” Her curiosity extends to the dimples on my thighs and my stretch marks. While I’ve always accepted my body and its imperfections, my current weight makes it hard to brush off her inquiries.
How do I explain the years of stress from work, school, and parenting that have led to my neglect of self-care? How do I tell her that I’m too exhausted to exercise or that I don’t prioritize healthier meals? Those are just excuses really. And the hardest question of all: “Why are you fat, Mommy?”
In our home, the word “fat” isn’t a pejorative. We don’t criticize bodies, and I strive to model a positive self-image. Yet, I can’t deny that I’ve likely referred to myself as fat, which has shaped her perception. So, why am I in this position?
Do I tell her that it stems from indulging in junk food or choosing to binge-watch shows instead of exercising? Do I mention the emotional eating that comes with stress or the genetic predispositions I face? No, these are my issues—burdens my 7-year-old should never have to carry. I also don’t want her to think that all overweight people are unhealthy, as my situation is unique.
Nonetheless, Lily’s questions have prompted me to reflect. I recognize why I’ve gained weight and that I’m unhappy with my current fitness level. It’s no longer merely about how I look; it’s about how I feel. Honestly, I feel terrible.
Her inquisitiveness has led me to ponder my own path to better health. I know the changes I need to make, and now it’s time to put them into action. I want to set a positive example for Lily, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and keep up with her on the playground so I can feel good again.
While I may seem hard on myself, my focus lies more on health than appearance. With a family history of serious health issues like diabetes and heart disease, it’s crucial for me to prioritize my well-being. I want to cultivate good habits that I can pass down to my daughter.
As I embark on this journey toward better health, I feel thankful for the support of my friends, family, and especially Lily, who inspire me to care for myself and remind me of my value, regardless of my size. For more information on home insemination, check out this helpful resource. If you’re looking for expert advice, Make A Mom is a great source for home insemination kits. Additionally, WebMD offers excellent information on pregnancy and various treatment options.
In summary, my daughter’s innocent questions about my weight have sparked a profound reflection on my health and habits. While the journey ahead will be challenging, I am committed to reclaiming my well-being and setting a positive example for her.