In the early days of my relationship with my partner, we faced the challenge of long-distance dating. Living miles apart meant we couldn’t rely on today’s technology—text messages or video calls—to keep the spark alive. Instead, we had heartfelt phone calls, handwritten letters, and the occasional surprise package. It felt like something out of a romantic novel.
I fondly remember coming home to find a sweet card or a note waiting for me. The day he sent me a bottle filled with sand from the beach where we shared our first date was when I knew he was special. Those thoughtful gestures, even from afar, kept us connected during those challenging long-distance periods.
Then life changed. We got married, bought a house, and welcomed children. Our definitions of romance morphed into practical gestures like, “I’ll handle the midnight feedings” or “Go ahead and upgrade the washer.” While we remained connected, the passionate spark had dimmed to a lukewarm feeling—similar to coffee that had been left to sit too long.
For a while, that was enough. However, as we fell into the routine of parenting and daily responsibilities, we realized that romance was taking a backseat. The demands of raising children often overshadowed any romantic inclinations, leading us to prioritize companionship over passion. It seemed that romance was an indulgence we could no longer afford, but could it be essential at every stage of a relationship?
During one of our therapy sessions, our therapist introduced the idea of “we moments”—special experiences shared between partners that can help ease conflicts. By prioritizing date nights, quiet evenings together, or simply enjoying a glass of wine on the patio while the kids make a mess inside, couples can mend the small rifts that may form over time. Understanding each other’s love languages amidst the chaos of everyday life is vital for maintaining a healthy relationship. Positive shared experiences can rejuvenate a couple and remind them of the love that initially brought them together.
Recently, I had a conversation with a colleague, Alex, about the distinction between romance and a comfortable partnership. He suggested that expecting to feel romantic at all times could lead to dissatisfaction, particularly if one partner is more adept at expressing romantic gestures. He argued that the idealized versions of romance portrayed in movies can create unrealistic expectations. While we agreed to disagree on the necessity of romance in relationships, I understood his viewpoint.
Romance should not be seen as an obligation; it needs to be cultivated and woven into our daily lives. As my partner and I worked to reignite our romantic connection, I found that romance, much like marriage, requires effort and time. Some days, when I’m overwhelmed and look at myself in sweatpants, feeling far from glamorous, I struggle with the idea of romance. Yet, simple acts of kindness or reminiscing about cherished memories over a glass of wine have shown me that a sprinkle of romance is essential for my fulfillment. I believe my partner feels the same way.
At a recent wedding, my partner discreetly asked the DJ to play our wedding song. As the familiar melody filled the air, I locked eyes with him, and suddenly, we were transported back to the beginning of our journey together. I could almost feel the ocean breeze from that beach where it all started. Although we’ve changed since then, I still cherish the bottle of sand he sent me as a reminder of our love story.
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Summary:
Romance plays a crucial role in maintaining a strong marriage, even as life evolves with responsibilities and children. By creating cherished “we moments” and recognizing each other’s love language, couples can reignite the spark that initially brought them together. It’s essential to practice romance intentionally as part of daily life to foster a fulfilling partnership.