There’s a truth I need to share, and it might surprise you: I’m judging you. Yes, the friendly, approachable doctor you see at community events, the one who smiles and engages with patients as if we’re old friends. The one who cracks jokes to lighten the mood? That’s me. And yes, I’m judging you on your parenting choices, your dietary decisions for your kids, and even your thoughts on vaccinations.
In school, I might have judged you based on your playground preferences—monkey bars or swings. By middle school, I was critiquing your hairstyle and clothing. As a teenager, your taste in music definitely factored into my judgments. It seems judgment has always been a part of my nature, as it is for everyone. We assess people every day, and that’s not inherently negative. If you mention your passion for travel, I’ll consider you a valuable resource for planning my next vacation.
However, let’s be real: if you notice a beautifully styled outfit, you’re likely to spot the one that’s less than fashionable. Positive or negative, it’s a certainty that I’m forming opinions about you. The twist? You’ll never know what I’m thinking because while I may be judgmental, I’m not the type to openly express those opinions.
My judgments don’t imply you’re a bad person; I recognize that there’s much more to you than co-sleeping habits or your belief that certain chain restaurants serve gourmet meals. Your views on specific parenting styles might influence whether I trust you to care for my children, but that doesn’t mean I see you as anything less than a multifaceted human being.
When I judge someone negatively, I’m simply acknowledging that I believe my perspective is superior in that moment, not that I’m a better person overall. I can still appreciate the wonderful qualities that make you who you are. That’s why I choose to keep my thoughts to myself.
If I were to voice my opinion, it could escalate beyond mere judgment into outright shaming. For instance, if I were truly concerned about your choices, I might gently suggest alternatives if we share a close friendship. But if I don’t know you, I’ll remain silent while your child enjoys their sugary snack. After all, your parenting is none of my business.
Expressing judgment online transforms you into one of those unfortunate trolls. Historically, mothers have been seen as nurturing figures, and yet, many engage in this behavior, offering unsolicited advice and criticism on parenting choices. Whether it’s the debate over breast versus bottle or the choice between baby carriers and strollers, there’s no shortage of condemnation in the comment sections of posts.
Have you ever changed your parenting approach because a stranger criticized you on social media? I doubt it. If you think that telling me I’m a terrible mother for enjoying coffee during pregnancy will inspire change, you’re mistaken. All it shows is that you’re judging my life based on a fleeting snapshot and have enough time to comment on the choices of others.
The internet, while a great tool for connection and information, has become a platform for discontented individuals to assert their perceived superiority. If I took online criticism seriously, I might as well take my kids to Child Protective Services for simply feeding them pasta with butter too often or for only breastfeeding for a couple of months, or for vaccinating them.
By the way, feel free to judge me. I’m sure you could find countless reasons, from letting my kids choose their own outfits to my occasional indulgence in wine. If you didn’t judge me, I’d be surprised. You might leave my home considering a cleaning service, but hopefully, you also recognize that my husband and I are raising two incredibly joyful and funny daughters. Perhaps one of us even made you chuckle a bit.
I genuinely believe in the principle that what you give to the universe is what you receive in return (go ahead and judge that too). So, I urge you, no matter how negative your judgments might be, consider keeping them to yourself.
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Summary:
Judgment is a natural part of human interaction, but it’s essential to recognize its boundaries. While we all form opinions about others, voicing them can lead to shaming rather than constructive dialogue. It’s crucial to approach parenting—and life—compassionately, respecting personal choices without harsh criticism.