One busy morning at the grocery store, my daughter turned to me and said, “I want a little brother!” I couldn’t help but chuckle nervously, wondering how this discussion would unfold. “You want to swap your brother for a new one?” I joked.
“No, I want more brothers!” she exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
I could feel the stares of other shoppers piercing into me, and for what felt like the hundredth time since becoming a parent, a wave of embarrassment washed over me. “Sorry, sweetie, but that’s not in the cards,” I replied.
“But why not?” she pressed.
“Because our family is already perfect as it is,” I stated, hoping to end the conversation. The nearby shoppers chuckled, and I felt myself cringe.
This isn’t the first time my kids have asked about expanding our family, and each inquiry perplexes and annoys me. For a while, they accepted the idea that “our family is complete.” However, that response eventually lost its appeal, leading to more complex questions.
- “Why is our family complete when there are only two of us?”
- “But my friend’s family has four kids! Why can’t ours?”
- “Why don’t you want more?”
- “Doesn’t our opinion matter?”
Sometimes, I take a deep breath and address their questions, reminding them of the advantages of our family size. I explain that families come in different shapes and sizes, and ours is perfectly suited for us at four. On other occasions, I wish I could scream, “We’re not having more kids, so please stop asking!”
Questions about adding another sibling are among my least favorite. I’d gladly tackle topics like “Where do babies come from?” or “Is Santa real?” over the sibling inquiry any day. There’s no simple answer to the question of why we’ve decided to stop at two children.
How do I articulate to my kids that I once envisioned a larger family but realized I wouldn’t be able to manage it well? How do I convey that although I deeply love my children, I feel complete with just them? And how can I express my certainty about our family size while still grappling with a hint of doubt? Most importantly, how can I make them stop asking me about another sibling?
Honestly, I don’t know what the best response is. “Because I said so” is about as close as I can get to an answer. My decision isn’t based on logic; it’s a gut feeling that our family is complete, and I’m confident in that choice. While I understand that parenthood can be unpredictable, I can say with clarity that we are done having kids.
Even though my partner and I have mostly come to terms with our decision for two children, I still experience moments of guilt and second-guessing. Am I making the best choice for my kids? Would they benefit from having more siblings? Would our family feel fuller?
However, pondering these questions is futile. Our family is what it is, and while I once hoped for a larger brood, it just wasn’t meant to be. When my kids inquire why we aren’t having more children, I simply tell them that we are enough as we are, even if that answer doesn’t satisfy their curiosity. I remind them that they can have as many siblings as they want when they grow up and start their own families, because I look forward to all the grandkids!
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In summary, while my children may long for a bigger family, our current dynamic is what feels right for us. Navigating these questions can be challenging, but it’s important to embrace our family’s unique shape.