As a parent, I often find myself grappling with the disconnect between what I preach and what I practice. I emphasize the importance of a nutritious breakfast, yet I sometimes indulge in leftover desserts as soon as my kids head to the bus stop. I advocate for sharing, but I sneak snacks when I think no one is watching. I stress the necessity of a good night’s sleep, only to binge-watch shows long past my bedtime.
Despite these inconsistencies, there’s one crucial aspect I strive to model for my children: the love I have for my partner, Mark. I recognize that, inevitably, my children will seek romantic relationships of their own. While I teach them about essential life skills, I also want to instill in them the values of love and respect for their future partners. After all, the quality of their lives will largely depend on the relationships they form.
It’s widely understood that our emotional well-being is influenced by our relationships. A toxic partnership can impact self-esteem, work performance, and overall happiness. By demonstrating a healthy relationship now, I aim to equip my children with the tools they’ll need for their own future connections. It’s all about setting them up for success.
What matters most isn’t the grand gestures, although a surprise bouquet of flowers from Mark is always appreciated. Instead, I want my kids to witness the small, everyday acts of kindness that define our relationship. For instance, Mark leaves for work early and often skips breakfast to avoid waking anyone. To ensure he has a healthy start to his day, I take a few moments before bed to prepare a fruit smoothie, which I place in the freezer for him to grab in the morning. I explain this to the kids, emphasizing my intention to support their dad.
When Mark sends me a sweet text during the day, I share it with them, expressing how much it brightens my mood. “Isn’t it nice of Dad to bring home dinner when he knows I’ve had a hectic day?” I often say when he surprises us with takeout on busy nights. I even involve the kids in these gestures: “What can we do today to make Dad’s day easier?”
Just as negative interactions can affect children, positive displays of affection have a profound impact on them as well. It subtly teaches them that maintaining a partnership requires ongoing effort and thoughtfulness. They learn that love is not just a feeling but an action that involves consideration for one another, which is vital in any relationship.
Though they might roll their eyes at my “mushy” displays of affection now, these experiences will shape their future relationships. They’ll carry what they’ve learned from us into their own partnerships, fostering healthy dynamics.
I’m not suggesting that my husband and I are perfect. We have our moments of selfishness and disagreements, just like any couple. However, we consistently strive to show each other care and compassion. Ultimately, we believe that the greatest gift we can offer our children is the assurance of our love for one another and the skills they’ll need to cultivate healthy relationships in their futures.
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In summary, modeling a healthy, loving relationship is one of the most valuable gifts we can provide our children. Our actions and interactions shape their understanding of love, respect, and partnership, preparing them for the future.