A few years ago, during a casual chat with my mother, she mentioned, “Oh, by the way, I’ve sent you something. It should arrive later this week. Have you heard of the Elf on the Shelf? All the kids in my preschool class are raving about it.”
As a preschool teacher, my mother was always ahead of the curve when it came to holiday trends or the latest must-have toys. More often than not, she would send care packages that made me feel like a superstar mom. I appreciated it—most of the time.
But then there was Oliver, the Elf on the Shelf who moved into our home five years ago. Let’s just say I’ve got some lingering resentment towards my mother for that little red felt creature. No offense, Mom.
Honestly, I can’t stand that mischievous little elf. Each year, as the holidays roll around, I feel a pang of dread knowing I’ll have 24 days of moving Oliver around the house. My kids genuinely believe in the elf’s nightly adventures to the North Pole, and it’s astonishing how easily they buy into the whole charade. When they inevitably ask, “I wonder when Oliver will return?” as soon as the first leaves drop, it sends a shiver down my spine—I know I’ll have to come up with increasingly elaborate scenarios to keep the illusion alive.
Sure, I start off with good intentions. After all, my kids absolutely love discovering Oliver frozen in a block of ice made of ice cubes or having a marshmallow snowball fight with our ornaments. (Come on, we’ve all done worse things for our kids’ joy.) The time they believe in Santa is so fleeting that I want to cling to that magic, knowing that one day I’ll be heartbroken when they no longer believe.
However, orchestrating this little elf’s antics is an overwhelming task. Here’s a glimpse into my month-long saga with Oliver, a sort of captain’s log as I navigate through the chaos of the Elf on the Shelf tradition.
November 29
Oh no, where did I stash that little red menace again?
December 1
Oliver arrived with much excitement. The note from Santa brought squeals of joy, and the kids are on their best behavior knowing he’s keeping an eye on them.
December 2
Found Oliver playing with some Lego figures. The kids are thrilled.
December 3
Oliver constructed an igloo out of cotton balls. Pinterest, you saved me!
December 4
Oliver left snow angel impressions in flour on the counter. Note to self: flour is a nightmare to clean. Oliver is now on my list.
December 5
Oliver is nestled in the Christmas tree looking cozy among the ornaments.
December 6 to 8
Oliver’s still hanging out in the tree. Kids are none the wiser.
December 11
Wine consumed. Completely forgot about Oliver. There’s always tomorrow.
December 12
Kids in an uproar—Oliver forgot his North Pole visit again. They’re not happy. His smile remains creepy as ever.
December 13
Spotted Oliver in a basket by the fireplace. Strange how close he is to the flames. Just saying.
December 16
Heard that Lily’s elf brought tickets to a theme park. Must remember to roll my eyes at her mom during the next PTA meeting.
December 17
Kids shocked to find Oliver under the minivan. No explanation. He kind of deserves it, honestly.
December 18
Guess where? Oliver is back in the Christmas tree. Complaints will cost you a present.
December 19
Word is that Max’s elf brought plane tickets for a surprise trip. Kids are disappointed with Oliver’s candy canes. Note to self: maybe I should “accidentally” burn down Max’s house while they’re away.
December 21
Oliver has to go. Today. I’m blaming it on the dog.
December 23
Too much eggnog at the holiday party. Contemplated tossing Oliver in the trash.
December 25
Hooray! Santa has come! I collapse under a mountain of wrapping paper, while Oliver gives me his creepy stare.
December 26
Return that little felt menace to the North Pole. I pray my kids won’t expect him next year.
As much as I loathe pretending that this little stalker elf has the ability to travel back and forth to the North Pole, I’m just waiting for my moment. One day, I’ll casually mention to one of my kids, “Hey, I sent you something in the mail. It’ll arrive Friday.” And then, sweet revenge will be mine.
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In summary, this humorous take on the Elf on the Shelf tradition captures the chaotic experience of navigating holiday expectations while also providing a glimpse into the struggles of parenting during this magical yet demanding season.