A couple of weeks ago, I received a message from a woman named Lisa, whom I only know through social media. The subject line read, “I feel like a terrible mother.” Intrigued and concerned, I opened it immediately.
Lisa expressed feelings that many mothers can relate to: “I adore my children, but there are days I just don’t like them. I’m constantly exhausted. My partner and I hardly connect anymore. I strive to instill good values in my kids, and while they behave in public, at home they seem out of control. They lack manners and often tell me I’m the worst mom ever. I’ve tried every parenting technique, from positive reinforcement to time-outs, yet nothing seems to work. I feel like I’m failing them, and I worry I’ve messed them up for life.”
Ah, but if these experiences make you an unfit mother, then we are all in the same boat! I can assure you that I’m not the only one who has exclaimed, “You would never treat your teacher like that! I’m your mother! You can’t speak to me that way!” As a former educator, I’ve had countless conferences with parents who would respond to my compliments about their children with, “Wait until you see them at home!”
We all share a common goal: we want our children to grow into kind, responsible, and compassionate individuals. When they embody these qualities, parenting becomes more enjoyable, and we feel a sense of accomplishment in our roles.
The most significant creation you will ever make is, without a doubt, a child. As a mother, you brought that little person into the world, which makes them your most important masterpiece. When they’re born, they appear perfect and innocent. But once the baby is here, the real work begins.
Raising a child is like programming a complex piece of software—it’s challenging and often exhausting. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you might feel like you’re not quite hitting the mark. The longer you go without correcting course, the more difficult it becomes to rectify things later.
I frequently share photos of my kids engaging in activities that reflect the values I strive to teach—like cooking, reading, and helping each other. It’s heartwarming to see them embody these behaviors, and I can’t help but feel proud. It’s akin to a child proudly presenting their artwork, eager for validation.
But let’s be honest: these moments of success only represent a fraction of our daily lives. The majority of the time, things are far from picture-perfect. There are days when I struggle to keep my patience intact, especially when my children decide to push every button possible.
Just recently, while on vacation, chaos erupted as we tried to leave for the beach. Meltdowns ensued over sunscreen stinging eyes, missing toys, and sibling squabbles. The noise level was through the roof. It was far from a picture-perfect moment, but it was real life.
I know my kids understand right from wrong and that they’re capable of behaving appropriately. Yet there are times, like during our beach trip, when I question my parenting abilities. Those moments can be far more frequent than I’d like to admit.
Kids will test boundaries; it’s in their nature. During those challenging times, all you can do is ride the wave until things settle down. Reflect on your strategies and plan your next steps.
There will come a time when you have the energy and patience to try a different approach—whether it’s tomorrow or months from now. Until then, remind yourself that your children are not irreparably damaged, and you are certainly not an unfit mother.
Perfection isn’t the goal; simply keeping everyone safe and relatively happy is often enough. And that, quite simply, doesn’t make you an inadequate mom. It makes you normal.
For more insights on the journey of parenthood, check out this post on home insemination and other related topics. If you’re looking for authoritative resources on pregnancy, consider visiting ACOG for excellent information on treating infertility.
In summary, remember that every mother faces challenges and moments of doubt. You’re not alone in your feelings, and leaning into community support can make all the difference.