Recently, I found myself in a conversation with several acquaintances who are preparing to send their high school seniors off to college. We touched on various topics, such as the emotional challenge of an empty nest, the stress of choosing a major, and the daunting financial burden of it all. As I’m still a few years away from that milestone with my own son, these discussions have been enlightening.
One friend mentioned her child was heading to college as an undecided major, which left me somewhat baffled. When I reflect on my 18-year-old self and my aspirations, I can’t fathom telling my parents, “I’m not sure what I want to do…I’ll figure it out while enjoying the freedom of my dorm.” Sure, I had a clear goal of becoming a physician, but I also understood the financial implications of my education, especially since my parents were supporting two younger siblings too. I was determined to complete my degree on time, knowing that it wasn’t just about me.
As I think about the emotional toll it will take when I drop my son off at college, I’ve also come to grips with the hefty price tag attached to his education. We will have our daughter following closely behind in a few years. In essence, we could choose to purchase a luxury car every year for eight years, or invest in two college degrees. While I’d love the cars, my sense of responsibility as an adult compels me to prioritize my children’s education.
My husband and I established college savings accounts almost as soon as our children were born. Early on, we made a commitment to cover their college expenses. Our families supported us through our own education, and we want to extend that help to our kids. In addition to saving diligently each month, we’ve invested any gifts our children have received since birth. Thankfully, our financial planning has resulted in a healthy college fund for them.
However, there’s a crucial condition attached to our financial support: our children must have a clear vision for their future before I open my wallet. I refuse to fund a college experience solely for my child to “find themselves” amid parties and leisure trips. My husband and I have worked too hard for the past 13 years to watch an indecisive teenager squander that opportunity.
When I express my thoughts on this matter to friends, they often chuckle and say I sound like the overly involved dad from the film Some Kind of Wonderful. In that movie, the father meticulously plans his son’s college path, much to the son’s chagrin, ultimately leading to a misguided spending of the college fund. But that’s not me. I won’t impose a specific career on my children, nor will I live through them. What I demand is that they approach their education with intention.
It seems that many kids today are allowed the luxury of “finding themselves” without sufficient accountability. Some parents have relaxed their standards, resulting in a generation that often feels entitled. My children are not entitled to my financial resources any more than I am entitled to dictate their career choices. It’s essential for both parties to collaborate to ensure that their education is purposeful and applicable in the real world.
As college approaches for us, we plan to help our children discover their passions long before they begin using our hard-earned money. We will engage in ongoing discussions about their aspirations, potential living locations, and what will ultimately bring them fulfillment. I’ll take them on campus visits and share stories from my own college experiences, albeit with a few tears when it’s time to unpack in that tiny, expensive dorm room.
Ultimately, I’ll be crying because I’ll miss him, not because I won’t be driving a new luxury car.
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In summary, while I am financially able to support my children’s education, I am committed to ensuring they have a clear purpose for their studies. This approach will foster a sense of responsibility and preparedness as they embark on their academic journeys.