Updated: July 31, 2016
Originally Published: April 30, 2015
In a heartfelt response, 16-year-old Jamie Thompson, who experienced her parents’ divorce at age four, shares her insights on how to mitigate the emotional toll of divorce on children. Here are her ten essential guidelines:
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Avoid Fighting in Our Presence
While it’s understandable that conflicts may arise, it’s crucial to keep them out of earshot. Kids are more sensitive than you think; they can hear you even when you believe they can’t. If a discussion feels like it might escalate, step outside or into another room. Remember, it’s not our job to mediate your disagreements. -
Be Considerate When Dating Again
Dating after divorce is a natural progression, but please don’t force us to accept your new partner before we are ready. We need time to adjust, and rushing us could lead to resentment. Spend quality time with us to reassure us that we’re still your priority. -
Refrain from Speaking Negatively About the Other Parent
Let’s leave the gossiping to your friends. We don’t want to hear derogatory comments about either parent. Remember, even if you’ve moved on, our relationship with both parents remains important. -
Stay Strong in Front of Us
Divorce is undoubtedly tough on adults, but it can be even harder for us kids. We struggle to grasp the concept, let alone its permanence. Show us that you still love us and will be there for us. Lean on your friends or family for support instead of breaking down in front of us. -
Maintain Consistency in Our Routines
Although changes are inevitable, try to keep our daily routines as stable as possible. Consistency helps us feel secure amid the chaos that divorce brings—like school drop-offs, bedtime rituals, and family activities. -
Make Transitions to New Spaces Fun
When moving to a new home, involve us in the process, like picking out new decorations or special items that remind us of the other parent. This can help ease the transition and make it feel less intimidating. -
Communicate Openly About the Divorce
We need to understand what’s happening. Discuss the reasons for the divorce and reassure us that it’s not our fault. Engaging us in conversations about these changes can help us process our feelings. -
Honor Special Occasions
Events such as birthdays and graduations should be celebrated without added stress. Make sure both parents respect our wishes about who should be present. These moments are about us, not about navigating adult relationships. -
Ensure We Have Enough Clothes at Each Home
After years of shuttling between homes, it’s still common to forget basic items. Please invest in duplicates of clothing essentials, as this will save us from last-minute scrambles. -
Act Like an Adult, No Matter What
This speaks for itself. We look to you for guidance and stability during this challenging time.
For more insights on navigating life changes, check out this other blog post on Cervical Insemination. If you’re considering the option of at-home insemination, you can find reliable kits from Make a Mom. For an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, visit CDC.
In summary, divorce can be a tumultuous experience for kids. By following these ten guidelines, parents can help ease the transition and provide the emotional support their children need.
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