As a doctor and a mother, I often encounter patients who share their experiences of parenting. One particular moment stands out to me: I was pushing my 7-week-old baby, my third child, through the grocery store, juggling the expectations of motherhood with the reality of my feelings. Despite being someone who should have felt like an expert, I was draped in yoga pants and an unkempt bun, embodying a mix of nostalgia and overwhelming love. Beneath the surface, I longed for the simpler days of managing just two children, while simultaneously feeling an immense love for this new addition to our family.
As mothers, we are often expected to project a sense of control and happiness, especially after having multiple children. Strangers flock to admire the baby, asking about their well-being, and showering you with compliments. It’s easy to fall into the trap of responding with a simple, “I’m fine,” to avoid revealing the struggles we may be facing.
On a seemingly ordinary Monday, while navigating the frozen aisle, a woman with salt-and-pepper curls approached me. She inquired about my baby, and I instinctively prepared to put on my facade of confidence, eager to showcase my apparent mastery of motherhood. Yet, deep down, I was grappling with feelings I believed I shouldn’t experience. Wouldn’t everyone expect me to have it all together?
When she asked how I was truly doing, I found myself caught off guard. I hesitated, then revealed, “It still hurts to sit down.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them, and I was surprised by my own vulnerability. I shared that my baby never slept and was more challenging than my previous two combined. The woman’s reaction was unexpected; she simply nodded and said, “It’s okay to not be fine. You can share your struggles.”
Her honesty was refreshing. She didn’t sugarcoat her own experiences, and it left me feeling lighter. I realized it was perfectly acceptable to admit I wasn’t okay and that I didn’t have to bear the weight of motherhood alone. This conversation encouraged me to open up about my struggles, not just to strangers, but to my healthcare provider as well. It was a pivotal moment that reminded me of the importance of self-compassion.
In the journey of motherhood, whether it’s your first or fifth child, it’s crucial to be gentle with yourself. Lowering expectations and acknowledging the difficulties can lead to better outcomes for both you and your family. If you’re navigating similar feelings, remember you’re not alone. Resources like March of Dimes provide valuable insight into pregnancy and parenting. Additionally, if you’re exploring options for conception, check out Make a Mom for guidance on home insemination. For more information on related topics, you can read our other blog post here.
In summary, my experience in that grocery store taught me that asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s an essential part of being a parent. Embracing the notion that it’s okay not to be fine can pave the way for healing and growth.