Navigating womanhood is a journey, one that I have experienced both before and after becoming a mother. I started off as a tomboy, awkwardly flirting with makeup and fashion, including the elusive cat-eye eyeliner (which I never mastered). Throughout my career, I’ve learned that being a woman in the workplace often comes with unexpected challenges and disappointments, regardless of how far we believe society has progressed.
Writing about the upbringing of daughters has led me to confront various issues — from the damaging narrative of “Real Women” to the troubling minimization of violence against women and sexual abuse. I’ve voiced my worries about how societal standards of beauty can overshadow our daughters’ self-worth.
Recently, the #ImNoAngel campaign sparked considerable debate among women. Launched by Lane Bryant, this initiative aimed to counter the idealized images of the Victoria’s Secret Angels, promoting a new definition of sexy. I understand the sentiment behind it; I’ve walked through malls and felt diminished by airbrushed displays of unattainable beauty. The lead-up to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has often left me feeling inadequate as well.
However, I don’t believe the answer lies in stripping “sexy” away from anyone. Instead, shouldn’t we strive to embrace it for all women? Perhaps we should also acknowledge that feeling sexy is just one small aspect of our existence. Our perceptions of sexiness will inevitably change over time.
While the #ImNoAngel hashtag—crafted with clever marketing in mind—might resonate with many, it also perpetuates a divisive narrative. As a mother and a woman, I often find myself caught in the middle of this ongoing competition. I exist between the extremes: not quite plus size, but not slim and busty either. I crave the flutter of feeling desirable, but I also value a more profound sense of self that encompasses all my unique qualities.
I am intelligent. Tall. Bilingual. Witty. Creative. Curvy and athletic. Strong yet gentle.
In our culture, sex sells, and unfortunately, the portrayal of women over a size 10 has often been villainized. Lane Bryant’s provocative approach may have been necessary to gain media attention, but it feels like a battle that many of us never sought to engage in. My hope is to see a future where our voices and purchasing power can cultivate a more inclusive representation of all women in the media.
I want my three daughters—each with their own distinctive shapes and interests—to feel recognized and valued. I refuse to let them compete based on who is more appealing or feminine. I envision a world where clothing options cater to the diverse body types of women: styles for my daughter with broad shoulders and a long torso, edgy petite designs for my adventurous firstborn, and durable fabrics for my athletic youngest. While I yearn for choices beyond traditional gender norms, I also believe it’s crucial to celebrate that our shapes and styles do not determine our worth.
None of us are angels. We are women, and we are extraordinary.
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Ultimately, we must nurture our daughters to understand that every woman is unique in her own right, and that’s what makes us truly fantastic.
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