“What letter is this?” I ask my newly five-year-old son, Leo. He cocks his head, furrows his brow, and after a moment of contemplation, confidently responds, “E.” He then returns to his toys.
“It’s actually a Z, Leo,” I correct gently, “the last letter of the alphabet.” One might think this would be significant.
“Okay, Mom,” he replies.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting with my older son, Ethan, as we dive into a chapter of Alice in Wonderland. He reads a paragraph, I read a paragraph, and while he stumbles on some words, he impressively sounds them out, even misreading familiar terms more often than unfamiliar ones. We’ve already completed Peter Pan, and I take pride in selecting engaging literature that suits Ethan’s reading level.
Then there’s Leo. By three, Ethan could recognize his letters and sounds, thanks to a fascination with educational apps. Leo, on the other hand, has always had other interests. I’ve tried countless methods to teach him his letters—from using stamps to crafting projects that involved creating insects with pipe cleaners and googly eyes to tracing letters using buttons. We’ve read every alphabet book I could find, but nothing seemed to stick.
Day after day, Leo struggled to remember what we had covered. While Ethan was breezing through Frog and Toad and heading toward chapter books, my youngest didn’t even recognize the letter A, let alone the sound it represented or how to spell his name.
After countless crafts and sleepless nights filled with worry over whether I was doing something wrong, I realized that I needed to take a step back and accept Leo’s unique pace.
Development varies widely among children, and my two boys exemplify this difference. It wasn’t too long ago that children entered kindergarten without any knowledge of letters. I recall singing catchy tunes about “Mr. M with the munching mouth” repeatedly, helping other kids learn. In Finland, for instance, children don’t learn to read until they’re seven yet still rank sixth in reading comprehension globally, according to the latest PISA report from 2012. It reassures me that Leo is within the normal range for his age.
We’ve only recently begun to expect kids to enter kindergarten with a foundational reading knowledge. Traditionally, preschool was about play, not formal learning—especially not sitting at desks. This is one of the reasons we chose to homeschool: I believe early childhood should be spent in imaginative play rather than structured academic tasks. Leo, instead of attending preschool, spent his days constructing forts, creating adventures with his toys, and enjoying storytime. If Finland teaches us anything, it’s that this play is precisely what he needs.
When I find myself feeling anxious, I recall a friend who practiced radical unschooling. He didn’t learn to read until he was ten years old and ultimately taught himself using works by Charles Dickens. Today, he is pursuing higher education and thriving in his dream career.
Leo is making progress. We’ve discovered a reading program that captures his interest, and he’s successfully learned the first five letters of the alphabet, confidently identifying and pronouncing each one. At this rate, he should know them all within a couple of months. After that, the program will introduce sounds, but I doubt I’ll initiate a more rigorous reading curriculum until he turns six.
He may be the last in our homeschool group to become proficient, but I trust he will catch up eventually. Research shows that late readers perform just as well as their early-reading peers in the long run. I do face some pressure from family regarding his literacy, and I often get surprised looks when I mention he doesn’t yet know his letters. But he seems perfectly content, and sometimes, it’s me who needs to pause and breathe.
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Summary
Every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to embrace and accept these differences. My experience teaching my son Leo his letters has shown me the importance of play and personal growth over rigid expectations. As he progresses through his learning journey, I remind myself that he is on his own timeline, and that is perfectly okay.