“How are you holding up?” the psychologist inquired after the session with my young patient.
This question has become a frequent one in my life since my child received a mental health diagnosis, posed by caring friends, family members, and even my spouse. I appreciate the concern, but I often find myself at a loss for words.
The past several weeks—really, the past few months—have been a blur of symptoms, outbursts, medications that provide relief and those that fall short, as well as numerous appointments with various doctors and therapists. Ultimately, this culminated in a thorough neuropsychiatric evaluation at one of the leading children’s hospitals in the country.
After days filled with assessments, take-home surveys, family history documentation, and extensive interviews, we finally received a list of diagnoses that my 10-year-old meets according to the DSM-V criteria. They confirmed the generalized anxiety disorder we had suspected, added an ADHD diagnosis, and identified a mood disorder as well.
Leaving the hospital, my child held my hand tightly, anxious about the bustling downtown. Everything felt altered—unfamiliar, daunting.
Arriving home, I was greeted by the same clutter we had left in the kitchen that morning. My oldest was eager to share his newfound knowledge about flightless fruit flies as food for frogs, while my partner needed to catch up on work after extended time off.
I’ve shared this sentiment before, and I’ll repeat it: When your child receives a mental health diagnosis, life at home doesn’t immediately change. Everything remains the same, except for one crucial difference—your heart is forever altered.
You return home to find the outbursts still happening, sleepless nights persisting, and your child still in distress. Treatment takes time to initiate and even longer to yield results. From my experience with my oldest child, it took months before we truly began to see relief. I continuously remind myself of this; patience is essential.
The hardest part during this waiting period between diagnosis and therapeutic progress is witnessing my sweet child suffer, knowing I can do little to alleviate their pain. As a doctor and a mother, the feeling of helplessness is overwhelming. It takes immense courage to simply be still in this situation.
Strategies for Navigating This Challenging Time
In navigating this challenging time, I’ve identified a few strategies that may be beneficial:
- Embrace Relaxation: Adjust schedules, school commitments, meal planning, cleaning, and external obligations. Our family must shift into survival mode during this period.
- Be Deliberate with Family Time: My oldest child is currently thriving, which makes it tempting to let him take a backseat while I focus my energy on my newly diagnosed child. However, that wouldn’t be wise. He needs my reassurance now more than ever as he grapples with the changes in his brother. It’s vital for him to know he remains a priority, even if things look different for a while.
- Engage in Prayer: Pray persistently—honestly and openly. Offer prayers for protection, healing, and strength. Pray for patience, for sleep, and for guidance. Pray the difficult questions: “Why him?” “Why me?” “Why us?” Even prayers without words, just tears, are important.
These prayers help me find a semblance of peace amid chaos. They remind me that God is present in our struggles, and I am comforted by the truth that my son is uniquely created. A diagnosis does not change that reality.
As I continue on this journey, I’m beginning to see the beauty in my child’s unique mind—a mind that, while currently perplexing, is also filled with creativity, empathy, and love. He is still the same artistic, joyful, and affectionate boy, not in spite of his diagnoses, but in some ways because of them.
I refuse to pick and choose what I love about my wonderful son. I love him wholly, just as he is.
So, when someone asks, “How are you doing?” my answer is simple: I am loving him with all my heart.
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In summary, navigating the aftermath of a child’s mental health diagnosis is challenging and filled with complex emotions. It requires patience, compassion, and a commitment to both the child and the family unit. By embracing relaxation, prioritizing family dynamics, and engaging in heartfelt prayer, one can find a sense of peace and hope in the journey ahead.