Recently, I found myself in the backyard with my 9-year-old son, Oliver. As we were pulling weeds—an activity he surprisingly volunteered for—he nonchalantly picked his nose and proclaimed, “Mmmmm!” It was a moment that perfectly captured the awkwardness of this stage in his life.
Parenting is a journey filled with moments of both joy and embarrassment, and it’s clear that we often embarrass each other. To me, Oliver is still that messy-haired little boy who I want to embrace, but to him, I’m the overly affectionate mom in my scrubs, offering outdated advice on hygiene. As I stood there, I couldn’t help but wonder how I could guide this booger-eating child into becoming a respectable young man.
“Oliver,” I began, “one day, you might eat a booger in front of someone you like, and they’ll think it’s disgusting while you find them adorable. That’ll be a wake-up call for you.” He rolled his eyes, a typical response whenever I tried to impart my wisdom. We returned to our task in silence, and I pondered how often he had engaged in such antics in public, feeling a prick of shame about my parenting.
Then, Oliver surprised me with a question: “Did you ever eat a booger in front of Dad?” I chuckled, “No, I was well past that phase by the time I met your father. Trust me; I wouldn’t want to embarrass him—or myself—like that.” This led me to ask something I had been thinking about for a while. “Do I embarrass you?”
As he stood there, hands in pockets, he seemed to consider my question seriously. “Only when you hug me in front of my friends,” he replied. I had suspected this for some time; after all, not long ago, he dashed out of the car at school to avoid an affectionate goodbye. I had hoped for some grand realization, but all I could do was respect his wishes.
“Alright, I won’t hug you in front of your friends anymore,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment. The relief on his face was palpable, and I felt a pang of sadness. It was a stark realization that he was beginning to pull away, and while I wanted to respect his growing independence, it also felt like a small part of our relationship was slipping away.
Despite his embarrassment, when I asked if he still loved me, he quickly glanced around to ensure no one was watching before giving me a quick hug. I savored that moment, holding on just a little longer, wanting to cherish the time when he would still allow such affection. But as we separated, he shot me a look that clearly said, “You’re doing it again, Mom.”
“Sorry,” I responded, and we resumed our weeding. This is the reality of parenting a preteen—a delicate balance of nurturing and giving them space. As our children transition into adolescence, their need for affection may retreat into the shadows, but as all parents know, those fleeting hugs are worth their weight in gold.
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In conclusion, while embarrassing moments are inevitable in parenting, they are also opportunities for connection and growth. Embrace the awkwardness, hold onto those hugs, and celebrate the unique journey of raising your child.