While I may not have addressed the nation or held discussions with world leaders, I face my own formidable audience: my kids. You know the type—those who seem to absorb the latest scores from their favorite sports teams or the latest gossip from reality TV but can’t seem to grasp the simple request of “please put on your shoes.”
Like a seasoned diplomat, I attempt to communicate with a calm and composed demeanor, believing that this is the best way to reach them. I express understanding: “I know you don’t want to wear shoes, but it’s time.” I try to share wisdom: “You’ll be glad you wore them when we go outside.” I even use logic: “But you really love those shoes!”
Unfortunately, my gentle approach often falls flat. Here are some examples of what I say that could really benefit from a little anger translator magic:
- “I’m sorry, darling, but we can’t have a playdate today.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I CAN BARELY HANDLE YOU TODAY, LET ALONE ANOTHER KID! - “I understand that this macaroni and cheese is shaped like animals instead of bunnies, but it’s still the same thing. Just give it a try!”
ANIMALS? BUNNIES? WHEN I WAS YOUNG, WE JUST CALLED IT “PASTA.” JUST EAT IT ALREADY! - “It’s 16 degrees outside, so it’s not really ‘shorts weather.’”
EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH THIS! YOU SHOW UP IN SHORTS LIKE I WON’T NOTICE YOUR CHILLY LEGS. GET SOME PANTS ON! - “Time for homework!”
LOOK, I THINK THIS IS AS USELESS AS YOU DO, BUT IF YOU DON’T TURN IT IN, YOU MIGHT END UP LIVING IN MY BASEMENT FOREVER—AND THAT RUINS MY DREAM OF MOVING TO A QUIET PLACE IN PARIS AFTER YOU GRADUATE! SO, PLEASE, PICK UP A PENCIL. - “You two are siblings—you love each other! Please, get along.”
NOT REALLY. YOU CAN BE MAD AT EACH OTHER AS LONG AS YOU DO IT QUIETLY. - “Could you please take your things up to your room?”
ONCE UPON A TIME, MY KITCHEN TABLE WAS CLUTTERED WITH TAKEOUT BOXES AND EMPTY BOTTLES. NOW IT’S FULL OF SOCCER BALLS AND SPIDER-MAN STUFF. IF I FIND YOUR DIRTY SHIN GUARD IN HERE ONE MORE TIME, I MIGHT LOSE MY MIND!
Sigh. A girl can dream, can’t she? For more insights on parenting challenges, check out our other posts, like this one on parenting struggles. And if you’re navigating similar situations, you might find helpful resources like this fertility page invaluable. Also, consider checking out Make a Mom’s insemination kits for at-home options.
In summary, parenting is filled with daily struggles that often require a bit of humor and a lot of patience. Sometimes, it’s easy to wish for an anger translator to express what we really feel as we navigate these challenges with our kids.
Leave a Reply