My partner and I have shared numerous years together, creating a solid foundation for our family. There are moments when our connection feels distant, as though we are merely administrators in a bustling boarding school, where our children constantly come and go, needing attention, nourishment, and rides. Yet, there are also days when our bond is resilient enough to weather the storms of family chaos.
I’ve never established a rigid hierarchy for my affections—everyone receives what they need as circumstances dictate. Each day presents its own challenges; sometimes a child requires extra support, other times my partner needs my attention, and there are moments when I crave to be in the spotlight. Let’s not forget our furry friend who needs to be walked. My family dynamic doesn’t conform to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
This is why I struggle to understand the mindset of women who assert that their husbands come before their children. I recently came across a piece by Sarah Matthews at FamilyLife.com titled “Why My Husband Will Always Come First.” In it, she emphasizes her belief that a strong marriage serves as a model of healthy relationships for her kids, that their union is the cornerstone of their family, and that children will eventually grow up and leave the nest. While I resonate with her sentiments, I take issue with her declaration: “I adore my kids and would do anything for them, but my love for my husband is greater.”
I could never express such a sentiment. I would never dream of broadcasting to my children that my love for anyone surpasses my love for them. Because, honestly, it doesn’t. Love isn’t a finite resource; it’s a vast, limitless sea. I can’t quantify my love for my husband in comparison to my affection for others. Choosing a favorite color or ice cream flavor is hard enough!
I love my three children, my partner, my parents, my sister, and my close friends in unique ways. Some days, loving one of them feels particularly challenging; on others, someone may require a bit more affection, and there are times when my well of love feels empty, yet I push through. That’s the essence of family life—a delicate balance of everyone’s quirks and needs.
The idea of choosing between my husband and my kids is simply not a binary choice. We still prioritize date nights and even solo vacations, all without declaring that my marriage takes precedence over everything else. A survey by FamilyLife found that 48 percent of respondents believe wives should prioritize their husbands. It raises the question: why is this only directed at women?
In our society, men are typically encouraged to prioritize work, family, or their favorite sports teams. It’s only women who are scrutinized about ranking their loved ones. If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this insightful post from our other blog, which discusses the nuances of relationships in depth.
At the end of the day, it’s essential to recognize that nurturing every relationship matters. Whether you’re considering family dynamics or the best practices for home insemination, there are resources available to guide you. For those exploring fertility treatments, this guide from March of Dimes is an excellent starting point. And if you’re looking for at-home insemination kits, be sure to visit this reputable retailer for fertility supplements that can boost your chances.
In closing, love is abundant and cannot be easily divided. Our relationships thrive not by ranking, but by understanding and supporting one another.
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