Updated: January 5, 2021
Originally Published: September 13, 2016
Attention, husbands! When your wife inquires about her appearance, adhere to the following steps for optimal results:
- Take a moment to assess her look.
- Make sure to observe her for an appropriate duration to lend credibility to your answer.
- Avoid lingering too long, as this may suggest undue scrutiny or highlight flaws that either don’t exist or haven’t been noticed before.
- Provide an honest answer, fully and transparently.
- Stick to saying, “You look fantastic!”
Neglecting these guidelines could lead to anything from a frantic outfit change to heightened tensions that may escalate to catastrophic proportions—even prompting a call to a divorce attorney.
I jest, but only partially—because anyone in a committed relationship understands that questions like “How do I look?” or “Does this outfit suit me?” can spark a potential conflict. Striking the right balance between honesty and tact is crucial.
For men, this is especially true. Women often express their opinions candidly about their partner’s shortcomings, while men are conditioned to soften their words. If we dare to voice the truth when it comes to our wives’ attire, we might just incite a storm. Although honesty is generally deemed the best approach, a little flattery can go a long way.
Occasionally, my partner will showcase a new dress and ask for my thoughts, and when I respond with “Looks good!” or “You don’t look fat,” she often replies with, “Really?” as if doubting my sincerity. I’m not lying, but I understand why she might question it—because if I were to state that an outfit wasn’t flattering, it could lead to turmoil of epic proportions. Meanwhile, if she points out something I’m wearing that needs changing, I’ve learned to comply or face the consequences.
My wife frequently encourages me to hit the gym, mentions that a particular shirt might not fit well anymore, or critiques a new haircut—all while I must remain silent on her choices, lest I provoke a disagreement. It’s not that she intends to hurt my feelings; she’s just being honest, and often, her observations are valid. However, it can be frustrating that she has no hesitation in sharing her opinions, while I must tread carefully with mine.
In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a major issue. I deeply appreciate my wife as a partner, friend, and mother, and I recognize that she has a far keener fashion sense than I do. Occasionally, I need a little nudge to maintain my motivation. Ultimately, I care far less about her attire or workout regimen than I do about the person she is—the one I fell for, married, and with whom I have two energetic children. Sure, I might not be a fan of those rompers she wears, but hey, I still say, “You look amazing!”
So why this disparity in communication? I’m not entirely sure. Is it because women are considered delicate? That’s a laugh; the women I know, including my wife, are some of the toughest individuals around. Just to navigate the everyday challenges posed by my gender, they need to be resilient. Perhaps it ties back to societal pressures and the unrealistic beauty standards imposed on women, which is a valid topic of discussion. Yet, once you enter a committed relationship, shouldn’t your partner’s feelings take precedence over societal expectations? Yes, men have feelings too!
I’m uncertain. I’d consult my wife for clarity, but I fear she might tease me.
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Summary
Honesty holds significant weight in relationships, particularly regarding communication about appearance. While women often express their opinions freely, men are taught to choose their words carefully to avoid conflict. This dynamic can lead to moments of misunderstanding, but ultimately, both partners should prioritize each other’s feelings in a committed relationship.